James staggered to his feet

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

James staggered to his feet, squinting against the rising sun whose rays fanned out through the tree branches. The liquor from the night before still flowed through his veins, clouding the world in a haze. The saloon was strange and the people there were even stranger. He drank the night away and took off towards the woods until his legs gave away. He'd collapsed near a river bank and sank into slumber. In his dream, the woman from the saloon, the one with gold-coated teeth, kept staring at him. James woke to the sound of some horses whinnying into the early morning air. He touched his jacket and pants, his hands were soaked in mud. He shook himself but the mud wouldn't come off. He wrinkled his nose. It's a strange place, Nebraska! Even the mud here is strange, stickier, stinkier.

He started towards home. Home! but is it? The sun crawled higher in the sky, wrapping the woods in a golden haze. Images from the night before intruded into his thoughts. Who was that woman with gold-plated teeth? Why did she keep staring at me? He reached a field at the center of which stood a cottage. Behind it was an empty pool. As James walked closer to the pool, a pungent smell assaulted his nostrils. A group of ravens had gathered around a human corpse, thrusting their beaks into the meat. James covered his nose. Welcome to Nebraska, 1885! He reached for his revolver, cocked the gun and shot into the air and was shocked to see the ravens continue indifferently to feast on the body. Only one of the big birds tilted its head, stared at James.

 

[Tarheel]

Let's look at the last sentence first. Try:

Only one of the big birds tilted its head towards James.

There are problems with punctuation. (There are at least a couple of missing commas.)

For the first sentence, perhaps:

He got up and staggered to his feet.

(I'll have more time later. Breakfast time!)

 

[emsr2d2]

I have no problem with "He staggered to his feet". It describes the entire action quite succinctly! I suppose you could say "He struggled to his feet" instead but if he really did stagger at any point during the movement, that idea would be lost.

 

[Yankee]

Is this correct and natural?

I would consider "staggered" used as describing a movement of someone already on their feet. I like "struggled" as suggested by emsr2d2.

 

[Tdol]

I enjoy your texts, but have you thought about the reductionist approach? Samuel Beckett was a huge fan, imitator, and scribe of James Joyce, then famously spent a weekend at his mother's house and decided that he was better at erasing than writing, and stripped language down to such bare parts that it was astonishing. You can do fancy, but how about simple? I honestly detect a spot of Beckett behind what you do. Read Eh Joe if you haven't, and a masterpiece of pared-down simplicity, and consider giving simple a chance.