Is pronoun used is correct?

[new2grammar]

As we promised you that we would give you special privileges as you are entitled for those because you are PURE card holder

 

[Barb_D]

I can't really figure out this sentence.

You are entitled to special privileges as a PURE card holder.

Do you need to say anything else?

 

[new2grammar]

I can't really figure out this sentence.

You are entitled to special privileges as a PURE card holder.

Do you need to say anything else?

Ya you are write..What about the following sentence

As we promised you that we would give you special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder

 

[euncu]

As we promised you that we would give you special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder

The card holders will drown in "you"s.

 

[new2grammar]

The card holders will drown in "you"s.

Thats right observation
what about the following:

As we promised we would give youspecial privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder
or
As we promisedwe would give special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder

 

[euncu]

As we promised;

You are entitled to special privileges as a PURE card holder.

You should really get rid of that "we would give you"

 

[bhaisahab]

Thats right observation
what about the following:

As we promised we would give youspecial privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder
or
As we promisedwe would give special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder

What about:
"As we promised, we will give you the special priviledges to which you are entitled as a PURE card holder".

 

[Barb_D]

I don't disagree with Bhai's sentence at all - it's perfect. But really ask yourself: What do I gain my making my sentence so much more complex? What extra information is given by including all those extra words? I've made my reader work a lot harder to read that sentence, and what does he or she gain as a result?

Omit needless words.

Isn't that better than "Omit the needless words that are not necessary to the conveyance of your meaning"?

 

[kfredson]

As we promised you that we would give you special privileges as you are entitled for those because you are PURE card holder

I suggest you change "for those" to "to them." "Entitled" is normally followed by "to" and an accusative -- in this case, "them."

Having said that, the clearest way to say this is the formulation given by bhaisahab (as usual!)

 

[bhaisahab]

I don't disagree with Bhai's sentence at all - it's perfect. But really ask yourself: What do I gain my making my sentence so much more complex? What extra information is given by including all those extra words? I've made my reader work a lot harder to read that sentence, and what does he or she gain as a result?

Omit needless words.

Isn't that better than "Omit the needless words that are not necessary to the conveyance of your meaning"?

The thing is Barb that the middle class Indian public, the people at whom this copy is aimed, love flowery complicated language. They expect to see it.

 

[Barb_D]

Business writing skills in our two countries are not mutually transferable, then. I will refrain from comment on any further writing for that market.

 

[Raymott]

Ya you are write..What about the following sentence

As we promised you that we would give you special privileges because you are entitled for those as you are a PURE card holder

If you're using "As" to mean "Because" (which you seem to be implying by using 'that'), the sentence is incomplete.
You'd need something like:
As [because] we promised you that we'd give you special privileges because you're entitled to them as a PURE card holder, we will do so.