I went into Merydith's room.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

I went into Merydith's room. Tendrils of sunlight beamed through the window, bouncing off the walls. I looked out, finding her beneath the tree doing yoga. I joined her. Wispy rays of winter sun were filtering through the branches.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural?

I went into Meredith's room. Tendrils of sunlight beamed through the window, bouncing off the walls. I looked out, finding her beneath the tree doing yoga. I joined her. Wispy rays of winter sun were filtering through the branches.

It all was except the name, which is now.

 

[Yankee]

Is this correct and natural?

I went into Merydith's room. Tendrils of sunlight beamed through the window, bouncing off the walls. I looked out, finding her beneath the tree doing yoga. I joined her. Wispy rays of winter sun were filtering through the branches.

Well, as neither a poet, novelist nor essayist, I would expect some descriptive transition from observing her from the room's window to joining her.

 

[jutfrank]

Tendrils of sunlight beamed through the window, bouncing off the walls.

Euch! Tendrils beaming? And then bouncing?

The metaphor really doesn't work. One can't imagine tendrils doing either of those things.

 

[alpacinou]

Euch! Tendrils beaming? And then bouncing?

The metaphor really doesn't work. One can't imagine tendrils doing either of those things.

What word do you suggest I use instead of tendril?

 

[jutfrank]

I don't suggest anything. This is your writing.

If you want to use a metaphor, it should be of your own making. If you put the image of a tendril in your reader's mind, that's fine, but don't mix your metaphors.

We're happy to help you with things like phrasing, and control of vocabulary, but you have to do the creative work.

 

[alpacinou]

I don't suggest anything. This is your writing.

If you want to use a metaphor, it should be of your own making. If you put the image of a tendril in your reader's mind, that's fine, but don't mix your metaphors.

We're happy to help you with things like phrasing, and control of vocabulary, but you have to do the creative work.

Fair enough. Can I use "rivulet" instead of tendril? rivulets of sunlight...

 

[jutfrank]

Fair enough. Can I use "rivulet" instead of tendril? rivulets of sunlight...

Please stop asking questions like this. You can use any word you like, as long as it's what you really mean.

What made you think of the word rivulet? What does it mean?

 

[alpacinou]

Please stop asking questions like this. You can use any word you like, as long as it's what you really mean.

What made you think of the word rivulet? What does it mean?

Rivulet is a very small stream of water. I thought I could use it as a metaphor and liken rays of sunlight to small streams.

 

[jutfrank]

Rivulet is a very small stream of water. I thought I could use it as a metaphor and liken rays of sunlight to small streams.

Okay, that's fine. Now, think of some verbs that you could use to describe rivulets. How would you describe the way the water moves in rivulets? Get an image clear in your mind when thinking about this. Don't think about the sun just yet—keep the image of water in mind.

 

[alpacinou]

Okay, that's fine. Now, think of some verbs that you could use to describe rivulets. How would you describe the way the water moves in rivulets? Get an image clear in your mind when thinking about this. Don't think about the sun just yet—keep the image of water in mind.

The water kind of moves slowly in a rivulet. Or so I think. For verb, I can use either "flow" or "run". Or maybe "stream".

 

[alpacinou]

The water kind of moves slowly in a rivulet. Or so I think. For verb, I can use either "flow" or "run". Or maybe "stream".

So I guess I can't use "rivulets of sunlight were flowing through the window", can I?

 

[jutfrank]

It's much better than what you had before because the verb flowing matches the metaphor of rivulets. That's the point I was making.

I actually think the metaphor is good. It's easy to imagine that light is a flowing stream. Here are a few lines from my favourite lyricist, Leonard Cohen:

The light came through the window
Straight from the sun above
And so inside my little room
There plunged the rays of love
In streams of light I clearly saw
The dust you seldom see
Out of which the nameless makes
A name for one like me

And here's some very different imagery from Pink Floyd, also describing sunlight entering a room:

Cloudless everyday
You fall upon my waking eyes
Inviting and inciting me to rise
And through the window in the wall
Come streaming in on sunlight wings
A million bright ambassadors of morning

 

[alpacinou]

Thank you.

Do you think "bouncing off" works with rivulet? I'm not sure about it:

Rivulets of sunlight were flowing through the window, bouncing off the walls.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

If you want to stick with the water metaphor, you could say splashing.