His stomach clenched with jealousy.

[alpacinou]

I'm trying to express the idea that someone became really jealous after seeing a photo.

Does this work? Are there better ways?

John was browsing Facebook when he came across a photo of Patrick's take recently. It showed him on the Malibu beach with Julia, a girl John chased in college but could never get. His stomach clenched with jealousy. In another life, a nicer/luckier one, Julia could have been his wife.

 

[Tarheel]

I'm trying to express the idea that someone became really jealous after seeing a photo.

Does this work? Are there better ways?

John was browsing Facebook when he came across a photo that Patrick had taken recently. It showed him on a Malibu beach with Julia, a girl John chased in college but could never get. His stomach clenched with jealousy. In another life, a nicer, luckier one, Julia would have been his wife.

It's good.

 

[emsr2d2]

I've never been to Malibu so I don't know how many beaches there are. If there's more than one, Tarheel's "a Malibu beach" is correct. If there's just one, you can say "on the beach in Malibu".

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Malibu has a string of beaches, so Al is correct. Malibu Beach is also used to mean the entire string, so you're right, too.

A win-win!