Hi, Steve! This is Michael. I’ve got a bad cold

[diamondcutter]

Michael: Hi, Steve! This is Michael. I’ve got a bad cold. My mother will stay at home with me. Are you interested in her ticket to “The Sound of Music”?
Steve: What a pity! However, I don’t think the movie is interesting. Why not give the ticket to Mr. Brown?
Michael: Great! He must be excited to get it.
Steve: OK, you can tell him the exciting news right now!

Source: Project English 8B, an English textbook for junior high school students in China, Popular Science Press

I don’t think this dialogue is very natural. What do you think my improvement as follows?

Michael: Hi, Steve! This is Michael. I’ve got a bad cold. My mother will stay at home to look after me and she can’t go to the cinema as she planned. Would you like to have her ticket? The film is “The Sound of Music”.
Steve: What a pity! But I don’t think the movie is interesting. Why not give the ticket to Mr. Brown?
Michael: Good idea! He will be excited to get it.
Steve: I think so. You can tell him the exciting news right now!

 

[Tarheel]

Michael: Hi, Steve! This is Michael. I’ve got a bad cold. My mother will stay at home with me. Are you interested in her ticket to “The Sound of Music”?
Steve: What a pity! However, I don’t think the movie is interesting. Why not give the ticket to Mr. Brown?
Michael: Great! He must be excited to get it.
Steve: OK, you can tell him the exciting news right now!

Source: Project English 8B, an English textbook for junior high school students in China, Popular Science Press

I don’t think this dialogue is very natural. What do you think my revision?

Michael: Hi, Steve! This is Michael. I’ve got a bad cold. My mother is staying with me, and she can’t go to the cinema as she planned. Would you like to have her ticket? The film is “The Sound of Music”.
Steve: What a pity! But I don’t think the movie is interesting. Why not give the ticket to Mr. Brown?
Michael: Good idea! He will be excited to get it.
Steve: I think so. You can tell him the exciting news right now!

Or Steve could say he's already seen that one.

 

[Yankee]

Or Steve could say he's already seen that one.

Yes. Steve needs to improve his manners, especially when offered a freebee.

 

[emsr2d2]

It's very stilted and unnatural. We just don't talk like that in real life. This is what you might actually hear:

Michael: Hi Steve. I've got a really bad cold and my mum's gonna stay at home with me this evening. She was meant to be going to see The Sound of Music. Do you want her ticket?
Steve: Shame she can't go but I don't really fancy it, thanks. What about Bob?
Michael: Great idea. He'll love it!
Steve: You'd better tell him now then.

 

[5jj]

It's very stilted and unnatural.

Like most of the dialogues we've seen from that book.