[Essay] Helppppppp!!!

[Studentf]

ESL teacher said I have some grammatical mistakes, but everything looks fine to me. can someone pleaseeee help me spot them.

[FONT=&quot]Gwazi, a childish yet bizarre and intimidating name for a rollercoaster.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Made completely out of wood, Gwazi is a rollercoaster located in Bush Gardens; a fun and adventurous family amusement park. The line for that ride was eternal, people where really thrilled to get there; I, however, did not share their enthusiasm, all I could do was stare at every wooden board and every screw, and watch as Gwazi shook and vibrated. The line kept moving up and with five people in front of me, I knew I was one of the next victims. The guard noticed I was a bit scared so he emphasized how secure and well constructed it was. He also pointed out how they have never had any accidents in the 5 years running. Somehow he managed to tranquilize me for a couple seconds, but when the time came and I set down in that car, and that lap bar came over me it was a whole new world.[/FONT]

 

[JMurray]

Hi Studentf. A couple of my changes are suggestions rather than corrections.

Gwazi, it's a childish yet bizarre and intimidating name for a rollercoaster. Made completely out of wood, Gwazi is a rollercoaster located in Bush Gardens, a fun and adventurous family amusement park. The line for that ride seemed endless, people were really thrilled to get there. I, however, did not share their enthusiasm. All I could do was stare at every wooden board and every screw, and watch as Gwazi shook and vibrated. The line kept moving up, and with five people in front of me I knew I was one of the next victims. The guard noticed I was a bit scared so he emphasized how secure and well constructed it was. He also pointed out how they had not had any accidents for 5 years running. Somehow he managed to tranquilize me for a couple of seconds, but when the time came and I sat down in that car, and that lap bar came over me, it was a whole new world.

 

[Studentf]

hey JMurray thanks for the help, I think everything makes sense. I think thats what my teacher wanted.

 

[5jj]

Please try in future to use a title to your thread that give us some idea of what it's about - for example, 'Spot my mistakes'.

 

[Rover_KE]

Additionally, that's Busch Gardens.

And the guy wouldn't tranquilize you - he'd reassure or calm you.

Rover