[Grammar] Help with Sentence Structure

[Lili86]

I'm writing a personal statement for grad school and I am having a bit of trouble phrasing the second sentence. (I posted the preceding sentence for context purposes):

I questioned at a very young age why people and nations are unable to get along and fail to come together in a better way to resolve problems. I initially began to wonder this through the first big purchase my parents made when they immigrated to the United States from Russia in 1989, when I was a girl of four years old, was a beautifully illustrated multivolumed World War II encyclopedia​

I would really appreciate suggestions!

Thank you so much!

 

[TheParser]

I'm writing a personal statement for grad school and I am having a bit of trouble phrasing the second sentence. (I posted the preceding sentence for context purposes):

I questioned at a very young age why people and nations are unable to get along and fail to come together in a better way to resolve problems. I initially began to wonder this through the first big purchase my parents made when they immigrated to the United States from Russia in 1989, when I was a girl of four years old, was a beautifully illustrated multivolumed World War II encyclopedia​

I would really appreciate suggestions!

Thank you so much!

***** NOT A TEACHER *****



"I began wondering about this after my parents, who had emigrated to

the United States when I was four years old, bought their first big

purchase, a beautifully illustrated multivolumed encyclopedia of World

War II."


James

 

[5jj]

"I began wondering about this after my parents, who had emigrated to the United States when I was four years old, bought their first big purchase, a beautifully illustrated multivolumed encyclopedia of World
War II."

A great improvement. I would make three minor changes; I prefer (opinion only)... [STRIKE]bought[/STRIKE] made their first big purchase, a beautifully illustrated multi-volume[STRIKE]d[/STRIKE] encyclopedia

 

[Lili86]

Thank you all so much for your help!