help to edit my which goes to my boss

[chiko]

The above subject refers.

I am writing to inform your office that, Iam planning to undertake Master degree course in the financial year 2014/2015. As, I am aware that, budget for the financial year 2013/2014 year has been done.

I request your office to consider me for sponsorship of my study for the budget of financial year 2013/2015,


I hope that my request will be considered positively.

Yours sincerely,

Jane

 

[emsr2d2]

First, note that "Iam" is not a word. The phrase is "I am". Please edit your post.

 

[chiko]

Thanks moderator

 

[emsr2d2]

The above subject refers.

I am writing to inform [STRIKE]your office[/STRIKE] you that (no comma here) [STRIKE]Iam[/STRIKE] I am planning to [STRIKE]undertake[/STRIKE] start a Masters degree course in the financial year 2014/2015. [STRIKE]As,[/STRIKE] I am aware that (no comma here) the budget for the financial year 2013/2014 year has been done.

I would like to request that your office [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] consider [STRIKE]me for sponsorship of my study[/STRIKE] sponsoring my studies [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] from the budget [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for the financial year 2013/2015,

I hope that my request will be considered positively and I look forward to hearing from you

Yours sincerely, (appropriate if you started the letter "Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms + Surname)

Jane

See my suggested amendments above. It appears that you think the word "that" must always be followed by a comma. That is incorrect.

 

[chiko]

Thanks Moderator, I really appreciate for your help

 

[emsr2d2]

Thanks [strike]Moderator[/strike], I really appreciate [strike]for[/strike] your help.

Note that it is not necessary to make a new post to say thank you. Just click "Like" on the post that you found helpful.

In addition, don't refer to people as "Moderator", "Administrator" etc. It's unnecessary. There is no need to use anything in this way but, if you want to, use the username. This post would have started "Thanks, emsr2d2". Also note that we say "I appreciate your help". No preposition is required after "appreciate".