modar
Member
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2015
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Arabic
- Home Country
- Syria
- Current Location
- Syria
Hello everyone,
Once again, I have a scene in which two armored guards are dragging one man to cast him down into an abandoned cave. The following lines are spoken by a narrator ( the cave guard ) who is watching the whole thing.
"I have learned that using a Warhammer does not speed up the process of building a place: a home to safely dwell.
Using violence to build a shack always results in a chaotic mess...
the armors that ward off pain also ward off light, and beneath them is Hell in its heat and darkness.
a General giving commands with a skyward sword, is surely threatening the Heavens with the tip of his puny blade.
but unimpressive little sermons like these are useless... for when the truly sick ones awaken, the only wisdom, is in war and murder!"
Please rate the text in terms of fluency, consistency and logic.
Thank you.
Once again, I have a scene in which two armored guards are dragging one man to cast him down into an abandoned cave. The following lines are spoken by a narrator ( the cave guard ) who is watching the whole thing.
"I have learned that using a Warhammer does not speed up the process of building a place: a home to safely dwell.
Using violence to build a shack always results in a chaotic mess...
the armors that ward off pain also ward off light, and beneath them is Hell in its heat and darkness.
a General giving commands with a skyward sword, is surely threatening the Heavens with the tip of his puny blade.
but unimpressive little sermons like these are useless... for when the truly sick ones awaken, the only wisdom, is in war and murder!"
Please rate the text in terms of fluency, consistency and logic.
Thank you.
