he could see her but could not hear her

[alpacinou]

Hello to all.

I want to describe this situation in a simple and elegant way:

A man is on a plane. His mind is so busy. The flight attendant is giving instructions about safety and what not. The man looks at her but his mind is so busy that he can't hear her.

So, I have written this:

Harry was in a reverie as the flight attendant started giving safety instructions. He could make out a slender woman moving her hands left and right in the air, performing the routine action she had done a thousand times. But Harry could not hear her as his mind was so preoccupied. For a second, in his daze, he felt like he was in a classroom and the woman was a teacher.

I honestly am not happy with this. I want to make it better. How can I?

 

[jutfrank]

What are you not happy with?

I don't think reverie is the right word for what you mean, by the way.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

What are you not happy with?

I don't think reverie is the right word for what you mean, by the way.

I agree. It's not incorrect, but the phrase "in a reverie" isn't very natural. Using daydreaming or lost in thought are more likely. In this context, daydreaming is probably better.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hello to all.

I want to describe this situation in a simple and elegant way:

A man is on a plane. His mind is so busy. The flight attendant is giving instructions about safety and whatnot. The man is looking at her but his mind is so busy that he doesn't hear her.

So, I have written this:

Harry was daydreaming as the flight attendant started giving safety instructions. He saw the slender woman moving her hands left and right in the air, performing the routine action she had done a thousand times. But he didn't hear her words. [STRIKE]as his mind was so preoccupied. For a second[/STRIKE] In his reverie, he imagined he was in a classroom and the woman was a teacher.

I honestly am not happy with this. I want to make it better. How can I?

Always look for ways to tighten. Always say exactly what you mean — e.g. it was for more than just a second.

 

[Tarheel]

His mind was so busy.

Perhaps:

He was busy with his thoughts.

Or:

He was lost in thought.

Or:

He was preoccupied with his thoughts.

(I don't care much for the original, obviously. )

 

[alpacinou]

What are you not happy with?

I don't think reverie is the right word for what you mean, by the way.

Hello Frank. I'm glad to see you here. I hope you stick around.

I was not happy with the totality of passage. I thought there must be a better way to express it.

 

[alpacinou]

Always look for ways to tighten. Always say exactly what you mean — e.g. it was for more than just a second.

You are a mensch Charlie!

 

[Tarheel]

Hey, if Charlie is a mensch, what am I?

What do I have to do to get a compliment?
;-)

(Did you know that "mensch" comes from Yiddish?)

 

[alpacinou]

Hey, if Charlie is a mensch, what am I?

What do I have to do to get a compliment?
;-)

(Did you know that "mensch" comes from Yiddish?)

Dear Tarheel, there is something about you that puts me in a good mood. You have admirable characteristics.;-)

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

. . . (Did you know that "mensch" comes from Yiddish?)

So I come by it honestly!

 

[alpacinou]

Can I also use the word "trance"?

Harry was in a trance as the flight attendant started giving safety instructions. He saw the slender woman moving her hands left and right in the air, performing the routine action she had done a thousand times. But he didn't hear her words. In his reverie, he imagined he was in a classroom and the woman was a teacher.

 

[Tarheel]

That's OK.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Can I also use the word "trance"? . . .

Only if you mean that her movements hypnotized him.

And if that is what you mean, there are more natural ways to say it. For example:

- Harry was mezmerized as the flight attendant started giving safety instructions.

- Harry was entranced by the flight attendant as she began giving safety instructions.

 

[jutfrank]

Can I also use the word "trance"?

You say what you mean. I you mean 'trance', then say trance. If you don't, don't.

If you describe to us exactly what you mean, only then will we know what to advise. Tell us about exactly what was going through his head and how he was feeling.

 

[alpacinou]

This is how trance is defined in Oxford dictionary:

a state in which you are thinking so much about sth that you do not notice what is happening around you

I mean this. He was lost in his thoughts and he was not aware of what was going on around him.

 

[alpacinou]

Only if you mean that her movements hypnotized him.

And if that is what you mean, there are more natural ways to say it. For example:

- Harry was mezmerized as the flight attendant started giving safety instructions.

- Harry was entranced by the flight attendant as she began giving safety instructions.

But I think "mesmerize" means being impressed by her beauty which is not what I mean.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

This is how trance is defined in Oxford dictionary:

a state in which you are thinking so much about sth that you do not notice what is happening around you

I mean this. He was lost in his thoughts and he was not aware of what was going on around him.

I think of it as a hypnotic state, not a reverie.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

But I think "mesmerize" means being impressed by her beauty which is not what I mean.

It has nothing to do with looks. See: Mesmer

As it says: "[T]oday the word 'mesmerism' generally functions as a synonym of 'hypnosis.'"

Using trance suggests that he was hypnotized.

Using entranced suggests that he was captivated, fascinated.

Either is fine, depending on which meaning you want.