find a possibility of what I suggest

[Economist2010]

Hi All,

I sent to a CEO to show my interest in joining his company. I told him that I commited to add value to the company in a record time. Now, I want to send him a follow up.

In such a situation, what you suggest me to say?

My suggestion:

I hope that you find a possibility of what I suggest and that you found it appealing especially becaus I am putting numbers (assumptions of the achievemens).I retirate that I will add value in a short time

 

[Tarheel]

Hi All,

I sent an email to a CEO to show my interest in joining his company. I told him that I can add value to the company in [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] record time. Now, I want to send him a follow up.

In such a situation, what do you suggest that I say?

My sentences:

I hope that you find a possibility of what I suggest and that you found it appealing especially becaus I am putting numbers (assumptions of the achievemens).I retirate that I will add value in a short time

That starts badly, and I can't figure out what you want to say.

Did you really send an email to the CEO? You do realize that it was most likely read by a subordinate, don't you?

You should strive for clarity. Write shorter sentences. Start over, and don't say: "I hope you find a possibility of what I suggest ...."

 

[Economist2010]

That starts badly, and I can't figure out what you want to say.

Did you really send an email to the CEO? You do realize that it was most likely read by a subordinate, don't you?

You should strive for clarity. Write shorter sentences. Start over, and don't say: "I hope you find a possibility of what I suggest ...."

Yes, I sent an email to the CEO himself and it has been read by himself.

I would like to follow up with him if there's a possibility of what I suggest in the email.(as mentioned in my suggestion)

 

[Tarheel]

Yes, I sent an email to the CEO himself and it was read by him.

I would like to follow up with him if there's a possibility of what I suggest in the email.(as mentioned in my suggestion)

You would like to follow up on that to see if there's a chance of you getting hired by his company.

(Maybe it's a small company, and the CEO does the hiring.)

It's more natural to use active voice most of the time.

 

[Tdol]

I hope you can see the validity of/some value in my suggestions.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

. . . I hope my suggestions appeal to you and look forward to hearing from you soon.

That was too wordy, and the part about numbers and assumptions didn't make sense. I shortened it and added an ending.

Punctuate the ends of all sentences. Because ends with an e.

 

[tedmc]

to add value to the company in [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] record time.

I don't think employers would be impressed reading this.


I retirate that...

I (wish to) reiterate that...

 

[Tarheel]

Well, if you want to talk about adding value to the company you might want to talk about one or more times when you have done exactly that.