[Essay] ...faced off, snorting...

[rodgers white]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? Any help will be appreciated.

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Moogh(the name of a moose) walked towards the herd as his human friends watched in anticipation, they were not sure exactly what to expect, but they were sure it would not be uneventful. A large Male strutted out from the herd, the alpha; it walked about half the distance between them, and waited, not a calm bone in its body which tensed for a fight. Yang began pulling an arrow from his quiver, but his father stopped him. “No son, this is one time you can’t come to his rescue, he has to win this on his own”.

Lanhua stared at the jade block she was carving and considered the amount of work she had already put into it and was projecting how much more work there was to do. Knowingly, Weifeng asked. “What’s on your mind”? Lanhua breathed out a long sigh. “This could take me forever, maybe even my whole life”. Lanhua slowly put down her tool as if deciding she had finished. Weifeng said. “Those lines you have carved, though shallow, are the most important part, they will help you work faster, though you still have to be careful, but not as much as before. I can help you, but I would like the major part of it to be your work, your accomplishment. It won’t take forever or even your whole life, I promise”.

Moogh and the Alpha faced off, snorting, charging, stamping their feet, They locked antlers, and then the fight began, the giant racks of the antlers clashing, the sound not too dissimilar from lightning cracks their thunderous bodies completing the storm.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Moogh walked toward the moose herd as his human friends watched. They paid close attention as they expected something dramatic to happen.

It would be good to do some reading. Have you ever read "The Call of the Wild" by Jack London?

 

[Tdol]

I'd use a semicolon after anticipation.

 

[teechar]

Moogh, [STRIKE](the name of[/STRIKE] a moose, walked towards the herd as his human friends watched in anticipation. They were not sure exactly what to expect, but they were sure it would not be uneventful. A large alpha male strutted out from the herd. [STRIKE], the alpha;[/STRIKE] It walked about half the distance between them and waited, not a calm bone in its body which was tensed up for a fight. Yang [STRIKE]began pulling[/STRIKE] started to draw an arrow from his quiver, but his father stopped him. “No son. This is one time you can’t come to his rescue. He has to win this on his own”.

Lanhua stared at the jade block she was carving and considered the amount of work she had already put into it and was projecting how much more work there was to do. Knowingly, Weifeng asked. “What’s on your mind”? Lanhua breathed out a long sigh. “This could take me forever, maybe even my whole life”. Lanhua slowly put down her tool as if deciding she had finished. Weifeng said “Those lines you have carved, though shallow, are the most important part. They will help you work faster, though you still have to be careful, but not as much as before. I can help you, but I would like the major part of it to be your work, your accomplishment. It won’t take forever or even your whole life, I promise”.

Moogh and the alpha male faced off, snorting, charging, and stamping their feet. They locked antlers, and then the fight began, the giant racks of the antlers clashing, the sound not too dissimilar from lightning cracks, their thunderous bodies completing the storm.

You had quite a few comma-splice errors.

 

[rodgers white]

Thank you for recommending the book. It has always been a mysterious world for me.