EASIER SAID THAN DONE

[hatimhussain]

I wrote this story to find out my mistakes in;

1. The usage of tenses.
2. The usage of vocabulary
3. Orderliness

Please guide me.


1. The mourners started stepping towards the exit gate of the graveyard after attending the funeral services of someone named Jackson. Taking care the sanctity of the place, most of them walked silently. A few of them, lowering their voices, discussed the qualities Jackson possessed as a human being.

2. Jackson’s coworker spoke softly, “he was very cooperative and was always ready to help his associates.”

3. “He loved my careful driving and often gave me cash reward.”Jackson’s driver said in Jackson’s praise.

4. “He was such a thorough gentleman that he never reprimanded me even if I would take leave without his prior approval.” Jackson’s manservant put his share into the discussion.

5. Patrick, one of Jackson’s neighbors was very vocal in describing his character. “The deceased had many qualities but to me his patience at the time of disagreeable occasions was exceptional. His quality to control his anger was matchless. I always found him cool and composed. I think, if we adopt these qualities, we can make our society more viable. Disputes, tensions and hatred can easily be avoided if we follow the qualities of the deceased in our lives.” He finished. Mourners around him appreciated his views.

6. Conversing with one another the mourners reached the exit gate of the graveyard.

7. They almost crowded the gate since it being not wide enough for them to pass through it easily unless they did it one at a time.

8. In an attempt to go first, one of the mourners, unintentionally, struck Patrick with his shoulder. Without wasting time, Patrick grabbed his shirt’s collar and pushed him badly. He ceaselessly abused him. Some of them hurriedly moved forward to try to keep Patrick calm and made way for Patrick to go first, which he did with a casual gait.

9. They all had just heard him preaching about the importance of patience. One of the mourners witnessing this, whispered, “easier said than done” with a meaningful smile.

THE END

 

[tedmc]

I wrote this story to find out my mistakes in;

1. The usage of tenses.
2. The usage of vocabulary
3. Orderliness

Please guide me.


1. The mourners started [STRIKE]stepping[/STRIKE] walking towards the exit gate of the graveyard after attending the funeral services of someone named Jackson. Taking care of the sanctity of the place, most of them walked silently. A few of them [STRIKE]lowering their voices[/STRIKE] softly/in hushed tones discussed the qualities (virtues) Jackson possessed as a human being.

2. Jackson’s coworker spoke softly, “he was very cooperative and was always ready to help his associates.”

3. “He loved my careful driving and often gave me cash rewards. ”Jackson’s driver said in praise of Jackson[STRIKE]’s praise[/STRIKE].

4. “He was such a thorough gentleman that he never reprimanded me even if I [STRIKE]would take[/STRIKE] took leave without his prior approval.” Jackson’s manservant [STRIKE]put his share [/STRIKE] chipped in [STRIKE]into[/STRIKE] the discussion.

5. Patrick, one of Jackson’s neighbors was very vocal in describing his character. “The deceased had many qualities but to me his patience at [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a time of [STRIKE]disagreeable occasions[/STRIKE] disagreement was exceptional. His quality to control his anger was matchless. I always found him cool and composed. I think, if we adopt these qualities, we can make our society more [STRIKE]viable[/STRIKE] harmonious. Disputes, tensions and hatred can easily be avoided if we follow (adopt) the qualities of the deceased in our lives.” He[STRIKE] finished[/STRIKE] ended his speech. Mourners around him appreciated his views.

6. [STRIKE]Conversing with one another[/STRIKE] Carrying on with their conversations, the mourners walked until they reached the exit gate of the graveyard.

7. They [STRIKE]almost crowded[/STRIKE] thronged the gate since it being not wide enough for them to [STRIKE]pass[/STRIKE] go through [STRIKE]it [/STRIKE]easily unless they[STRIKE] did it one at a time[/STRIKE] moved in single file.

8. In an attempt to go first, one of the mourners unintentionally [STRIKE]struck[/STRIKE]shoved Patrick with his shoulder. [STRIKE]Without wasting time,[/STRIKE] Patrick immediately grabbed [STRIKE]his shirt’s collar[/STRIKE] him by the shirt collar and pushed him [STRIKE]badly[/STRIKE] away. He ceaselessly [STRIKE]abused[/STRIKE] scolded him. Some of them hurriedly [STRIKE]moved forward to try to keep[/STRIKE] intervened to calm Patrick [STRIKE]calm[/STRIKE] down and [STRIKE]made way for[/STRIKE] let Patrick [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] go first, which he did with a casual gait.

9. They all had just heard him preaching about the importance of patience. One of the mourners who had been witnessing [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE], whispered, “easier said than done”(He does not practise what he preaches/He doesn't walk the talk) with a [STRIKE]meaningful[/STRIKE] snide smile.

THE END

See above.

 

[hatimhussain]

tedmc, every time I write on this forum I feel as if I have written a flawless piece of writing this time. But when I see those red colored corrections, I realize I need a lot to improve my writing. However, I do feel a sense of satisfaction that in between those red colored corrections I find some black colored materials, which makes me feel that my piece of writing is not a complete trash. I have been seriously learning through these corrections made by you all. Thank you.

 

[tedmc]

Hatim
I am learning from doing the editing too. I do miss out things that need correcting and over-edit things sometimes. I am striving to minimise them. Most of my "corrections" are more on the choice of words which I thought could be better, not that the originals are not correct.

 

[hatimhussain]

tedmc, by your above comments I feel reassured.

 

[Tdol]

I would use complete gentleman rather than thorough gentleman.

 

[hatimhussain]

Tdol, the Google dictionary gives the following meaning of "thorough".

complete with regard to every detail; not superficial or partial.

So please guide me why would you replace "thorough" with "complete"?.

 

[tedmc]

Tdol, the Google dictionary gives the following meaning of "thorough".

complete with regard to every detail; not superficial or partial.

So please guide me why would you replace "thorough" with "complete"?.

I think what you wanted to say was that Jackson was very much a gentleman (complete) as he was a kind and forgiving person rather than a "thorough person" (paying attention to details). You can also say that he is a "true gentlemen".

 

[Tdol]

A complete gentleman = a perfect/ideal one, though Ted's suggestion of true also works. The meaning of thorough works, but it doesn't collocate for me.

Also, it was a suggestion rather than a correction. :up:

 

[emsr2d2]

I would use either "a perfect gentleman" or "an absolute gentleman".

You might hear "He's an absolute gent!" in some variants/dialects. I particularly associate it with East End/Cockney accents.

 

[hatimhussain]

yes tedmc, that is what I wanted to say. Thank you.

 

[emsr2d2]

Yes tedmc, that is what I wanted to say. Thank you.

Don't forget to start every sentence with a capital letter.

 

[tedmc]

What do you think about the idiom used at the end of the text and also as the title of the thread?

 

[hatimhussain]

tedmc, I can’t say about others but I have observed some people around me who act just according to the idiom mentioned in my story. They want to see certain virtues in others which they may not have in themselves. They are comfortable in expressing those qualities they find in others, but when occasions arise to show the virtues they preached about, they fail miserably. Same is the case in the story when Patrick acted as per the idiom. Instead of choosing one of the virtues from Jackson’s character i.e. patience, he chose one of the vices out of his own character i.e.impatience, and acted indecently.
Let me mention here that I chose the title after writing the whole story.

 

[Tdol]

How about practise what you preach?

 

[hatimhussain]

Would it be fair if I ask, was the story interesting or boring?

 

[Tarheel]

I think you want to say:

They praise certain qualities in others, but they don't have those qualities themselves.

 

[Tarheel]

Would it be fair if I ask, was the story interesting or boring?

It's a good story.