Earth's tormented wail

[Glizdka]

Does my couplet make sense to you?

"Despite destruction's gargantuan scale,
we fail to heed Earth's tormented wail."

 

[Tarheel]

Hm. Maybe hear would work better than heed.

 

[tedmc]

Hm. Maybe hear would work better than heed.

I think "heed" is okay. It is associated with action whereas "hear" is not.
I don't like "destruction's gargantuan scale", using an object with the possessive". I prefer "destruction on a gargantuan scale".

 

[Tarheel]

But you heed a warning. You hear a wail (or scream).

 

[Glizdka]

I think "heed" is okay. It is associated with action whereas "hear" is not.
I don't like "destruction's gargantuan scale", using an object with the possessive". I prefer "destruction on a gargantuan scale".

That changes the number of syllables. I'd need a different adjective probably.

But you heed a warning. You hear a wail (or scream).

This scream is also a warning, for us.

Back to the drawing board, then.

 

[Barque]

Does my couplet make sense to you?

Yes, I thought it was pretty good actually. Though the possessive use of "scale" is unusual, I suppose it works in a poem.

 

[Tdol]

The tormented wail is a warning, isn't it? I think heed is fine- it's a couplet anyway, so we can have some poetic liberty.