Drivers who had an accident with a car

[Rachel Adams]

Hello.

Does the first sentence sound natural? All the sentences are mine.

1. "Drivers who had an accident with a car while being intoxicated should be punished more severely."

2. "Drivers who were responsible for a car accident while being intoxicated should be punished more severely."

3. "Intoxicated drivers who were responsible for a car accident should be punished more severely."

 

[Rachel Adams]

Here are my thoughts:

1. "Drivers who ha[STRIKE]d[/STRIKE]ve a[STRIKE]n[/STRIKE] car accident [STRIKE]with a car [/STRIKE]while [STRIKE]being[/STRIKE] intoxicated should be punished more severely."

2. "Drivers (who [STRIKE]were[/STRIKE] are/have been) responsible for a car accident while [STRIKE]being[/STRIKE] intoxicated should be punished more severely."

3. "Intoxicated drivers (who [STRIKE]were[/STRIKE] are/have been) responsible for a car accident should be punished more severely."

Thank you. Why is it wrong to use "being"? I used "were" because I was talking about recent car accidents.

 

[emsr2d2]

The present simple should be used because you are talking about a general fact/opinion. You think that all drivers who are (at any time) responsible for a car accident while they are intoxicated should be punished severely.

We just don't use "being" like that. As you can see above, I chose to write "... while they are intoxicated ...". That can be shortened simply to "while intoxicated", without "being".

You used "more severely". You need to clarify that - "more" than what? More than other drivers? More than they are usually punished at the moment?

 

[Rachel Adams]

The present simple should be used because you are talking about a general fact/opinion. You think that all drivers who are (at any time) responsible for a car accident while they are intoxicated should be punished severely.

We just don't use "being" like that. As you can see above, I chose to write "... while they are intoxicated ...". That can be shortened simply to "while intoxicated", without "being".

You used "more severely". You need to clarify that - "more" than what? More than other drivers? More than they are usually punished at the moment?

Yes, more severely than they are usually punished.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Or more naturally:

- Drunk drivers who cause accidents should be punished more severely.

- Drunk drivers who cause accidents should get harsher sentences.

But — is the comparative more what you want? Are you comparing them to someone else?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Yes, more severely than they are usually punished.

Oh! I see. In that case, you might amend the sentence to something like:

. . . more severely than they usually are.

. . . more severely than is customary.

. . . more severely than how we treat them now.

. . . more severely than they have been in the past.