[General] DOES THIS SOUND NATURAL TO NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKERS?

[Rawlinson]

A friend of mine who´s Brazilian wants to tattoo a message in English on her back but she wrote it in Portuguese and asked me to translate it into English. I tried my best and I think I managed to keep the meaning of it but I just wanted some help to make sure that the sentence construction doesn´t sound weird to native speakers. Here it is:

"I´m not sure whether I´ve found happiness but It´s yet to be born the one who may kill my joy of searching for it".

I´d really appreciate if anyone could help

Rawlinson

 

[MikeNewYork]

That seems like a really long tattoo. If someone has found happiness, why are they still searching for it. It seems to me that person is trying to say: "I am searching for happiness, and the person who can kill my joy of searching for it has yet to be born".

 

[Rawlinson]

Thanks Mike! I guess she does want to say that "she´s not sure" whether she´s found it or not first and the person who can kill her joy of searching for it has yet to be born. In this case, could we rephrase it by saying:

""I´m not sure whether I´ve found happiness but the person who can kill my joy of searching for it has yet to be born"

Thanks again

 

[Rover_KE]

I take it she's a big girl.:roll:

Seriously, get her to have a tiny tattoo done first. She needs to be able to judge whether she'd be able to bear the pain and expense of that long, rambling and frankly convoluted sentence.

 

[emsr2d2]

That's one of the most depressing phrases I have ever heard. I can't imagine wanting to have that plastered all over my body for the rest of my life.

 

[MikeNewYork]

I couldn't agree more.

 

[Tdol]

In this case, could we rephrase it by saying:

""I´m not sure whether I´ve found happiness but the person who can kill my joy of searching for it has yet to be born"

I'm not a fan of tattoos in general, but this one is a particularly bad one IMO- all I can hear is voices screaming of regret. Keep it short, simple and clear if you must do it. This one sounds like waffle to me.

 

[SoothingDave]

It almost sounds like she is waiting for this person to be born.

 

[Raymott]

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,/ Slouches towards Brazil to be born?"

 

[Rawlinson]

Wow! LOL.. Well guys, reading all your answers it looks like her sentence doesn´t sound very interesting at all. Now I´m here checking her original writing in Portuguese wondering whether I´ve translated it properly.

Well, yeah.... that seems to be exactly what she said. Since I don´t feel like a have to right to tell her not to do it or write something different or shorter, would it sound any better if we rephrased into:

"I´m not sure whether I´ve found happiness but nobody will ever kill my joy of searching for it"
or
"I don´t know whether I´ve found happiness but nobody will ever kill my joy of searcing for it"

Thank you all. I appreciate your help

PS: Just one last thing. Do the sentences above make sense? I mean are they understandable and grammatically correct? Cus that´s what she actually asked my help for.

 

[Barb_D]

That's better

I´m not sure whether I´ve found happiness, but nobody can take away my joy in searching for it.

 

[Rawlinson]

Hi Barb_D!

Thanks a lot for your suggestion. That does sound a lot better

 

[SoothingDave]

Isn't joy a form of happiness?