Does this paragraph require any correction?

[zaffar]

Please make correction(s), if any, in this paragraph.

"It is being stated respectfully that we are resident of bungalow no. B-58, Khayaban-e-Qasim, phase VIII, D.H.A., Karachi and we are seriously disturbed by the the two nurseries that are existent in front of our bungalow. It is being further stated that third nursery is going to be established very soon. These nurseries are hindrances in our privacy, therefore, we request you to remove these nurseries immediately."

Please reply.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please make correction(s), if any, in this paragraph.

"It is being stated respectfully that we are resident of bungalow no. B-58, Khayaban-e-Qasim, phase VIII, D.H.A., Karachi and we are seriously disturbed by the the two nurseries that are existent in front of our bungalow. It is being further stated that third nursery is going to be established very soon. These nurseries are hindrances in our privacy, therefore, we request you to remove these nurseries immediately."

Please reply.

Dear Sir/Madam/name

We live at [address] and we have concerns about the proposed building of a new nursery opposite our home. There are already two nurseries in the same location and they cause a disturbance [due to excessive noise levels] and an invasion of our privacy [because many people walk past our house during the day on their way to and from the nurseries].

We wish to object to the proposed third nursery and would also like to request the removal of the other two as soon as possible.

Thank you for your attention

[Your name]


I don't know if this is a real letter you plan to send or an exercise in writing, but if it's real, you will need to give more evidence of the disturbance and the invasion of privacy.