Mark Richards
New member
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2015
- Member Type
- Interested in Language
- Native Language
- English
- Home Country
- Canada
- Current Location
- Canada
In the sentence - Bill could hear the nervousness in Jim's voice as he stepped forward to pick up the sword. - I wanted the "he" to refer to Jim, and it did in my brain when I wrote it. But on rereading, I heard it as Bill stepping forward.
Is there a way to force the meaning so that Jim is stepping forward?
I can completely pull it apart and write it as three sentences mixed with other elements to ensure my meaning, but this flowed so nicely with what comes before and after, I wanted to keep it as close to this as possible.
It's not exactly the classic "he saw a refrigerator running down the street" but it does seem to suffer in the same way.
Thoughts?
Is there a way to force the meaning so that Jim is stepping forward?
I can completely pull it apart and write it as three sentences mixed with other elements to ensure my meaning, but this flowed so nicely with what comes before and after, I wanted to keep it as close to this as possible.
It's not exactly the classic "he saw a refrigerator running down the street" but it does seem to suffer in the same way.
Thoughts?