Nahuel
Member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2011
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Spanish
- Home Country
- Argentina
- Current Location
- Argentina
Hello. I'm at a C1 level course and I'd like to have this opinion essay reviewed and corrected. Please, advise me on how to improve it. I'm trying to write in long complex sentences, but my teacher says that they are not clear. I found some questions on a book and decided to turn it into a essay question just for the sake of practising. Also, I'm asked to write around 350 words.
The following questions were just part of a discussion after a reading activity and I thought I could write an opinion essay about it:
Do you think employers should recruit ex-prisoners whenever possible? Do you agree that anti-discrimination laws should protect ex-prisoners? Give reasons.
---------------------------------------------------
In our modern society, it is often seen people becoming emotional about different crimes when justice finally reaches the wrongdoers, many of whom have their future affected for life. But how long does their sentence actually last? In my view, ex-prisoners should have the opportunity of a second chance.
In the first place, former law offenders have to deal with the social pressure put on them. People in small towns and cities, especially those affected directly by a crime, struggle to forgive and forget: even after a sentence has been passed onto the criminals, it never seems enough for them. And so, when leaving jail, ex-prisoners are most of time seen through people’s eyes as a threat to the community. What’s worse, they will carry the burden for the rest of their lives, just as a tattoo or a scar can never to be erased.
Therefore, another major reason is that ex-criminals’ lives have been reset, which means that, having no money or support from their families, they often have to start from zero. Thus, apart from being discriminated, they are at a great disadvantage when, for instance, they decide to get a job, try to obtain a loan, or wish to rent a house. Anti-discrimination laws, like those that protect people from different races, disabilities, and even genders, should apply to ex-prisoners as well to give them the same opportunities as ordinary people.
As opposed to the above ideas is the common prejudice against ex-convicts that they will become repeated offenders of the law, which leads to the scarce opportunities given and even a sort of never-ending condemnation. People argue that, once they break the law, they will remorsefully turn revengeful against society having no chance whatsoever to repent for their sins.
Taking everything into account, the government and society in general should give ex-prisoners options to become good citizens so that they do not repeat the past in the future. I strongly believe the only way to keep ex-offenders away from trouble is to show them that they can still be respectful men and women and do good. For this, it is necessary that employers consider their strengths rather than their weaknesses.
(368 words)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for your time.
The following questions were just part of a discussion after a reading activity and I thought I could write an opinion essay about it:
Do you think employers should recruit ex-prisoners whenever possible? Do you agree that anti-discrimination laws should protect ex-prisoners? Give reasons.
---------------------------------------------------
In our modern society, it is often seen people becoming emotional about different crimes when justice finally reaches the wrongdoers, many of whom have their future affected for life. But how long does their sentence actually last? In my view, ex-prisoners should have the opportunity of a second chance.
In the first place, former law offenders have to deal with the social pressure put on them. People in small towns and cities, especially those affected directly by a crime, struggle to forgive and forget: even after a sentence has been passed onto the criminals, it never seems enough for them. And so, when leaving jail, ex-prisoners are most of time seen through people’s eyes as a threat to the community. What’s worse, they will carry the burden for the rest of their lives, just as a tattoo or a scar can never to be erased.
Therefore, another major reason is that ex-criminals’ lives have been reset, which means that, having no money or support from their families, they often have to start from zero. Thus, apart from being discriminated, they are at a great disadvantage when, for instance, they decide to get a job, try to obtain a loan, or wish to rent a house. Anti-discrimination laws, like those that protect people from different races, disabilities, and even genders, should apply to ex-prisoners as well to give them the same opportunities as ordinary people.
As opposed to the above ideas is the common prejudice against ex-convicts that they will become repeated offenders of the law, which leads to the scarce opportunities given and even a sort of never-ending condemnation. People argue that, once they break the law, they will remorsefully turn revengeful against society having no chance whatsoever to repent for their sins.
Taking everything into account, the government and society in general should give ex-prisoners options to become good citizens so that they do not repeat the past in the future. I strongly believe the only way to keep ex-offenders away from trouble is to show them that they can still be respectful men and women and do good. For this, it is necessary that employers consider their strengths rather than their weaknesses.
(368 words)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for your time.
Last edited:
