Diary - Many years ago, my friend Jenny went

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Many years ago, my friend Jenny went to a newly opened cybercafe with her friends. After leaving the cafe, she felt uncomfortable and dizzy. When she got home, her mum told her, "You bring something home. I'll handle it." Her mum took a doll and threw it to the garbage room. Jenny got back to normal very soon. I asked her if her mum locked the spirit in the doll. She said maybe. She didn't know. Since I would visit her home after a few day, I asked her not to tell me if I were followed by a spirit because if her mum couldn't help me get rid of it, I would be very scared. She said her mum was less sensitive now. As she got old, she needed to sense the spirits in much effort.

 

[Tarheel]

The first sentence is fine. As for the second sentence, "uncomfortable" is too vague. I would simply leave it out or replace it with something. (Nauseous?)

 

[tedmc]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Many years ago, my friend Jenny went to a newly opened cybercafe with her friends. After leaving the cafe, she felt uncomfortable (uneasy) and dizzy. When she got home, her mum told her, "You bring have brought something home. I'll handle it." Her mum took a doll and threw it to the garbage room (Is there such a room? garbage bin). Jenny got back to normal very soon. I asked her if her mum locked (captured) the spirit in with the doll. She said maybe. She didn't know. Since I would visit her home after a few days, I asked her not to tell me if I were followed by a spirit because if her mum couldn't help me get rid of it (this is not clear), I would be very scared. She said her mum was less sensitive to such things now (Did she become less sensitive just after a few days?) . As she got grew older, she needed to sense the spirits in much with greater effort.

 

[teechar]

Many years ago, my friend Jenny went to a newly opened cybercafe with her friends. After leaving the cafe, she felt uncomfortable and dizzy. When she got home, her mum told her,

OK.

"You bring something home. I'll handle it."

That makes no sense at all! Reword it completely.

Her mum took a doll and threw it to in the garbage. room.

Is that what you meant? Are you talking about some specific doll?

Jenny got back to normal very soon. I asked her if her mum locked the spirit in the doll. She said maybe. She didn't know. Since I would I visited her at home after a few days, and I asked her not to tell me if I were followed by there was a spirit following me because if her mum couldn't help me get rid of it, I would be very scared.

She said her mum was less sensitive to spirits then. now. As she got old, she needed to concentrate with much greater effort to sense the spirits. in much effort.

 

[Tarheel]

As her mum got older she became less sensitive to spirits. That is, she sensed them less and less. (Whether they were there in the first place is perhaps a separate question.

 

[Maybo]

@tedmc Garbage room is usually a room in each floor for residents to throw away rubbish.
Not after a few days. As she got old.

 

[Maybo]

That makes no sense at all! Reword it completely.

But that what her mum said. “Something” refers to spirit. She’ll handle the spirit.

Is that what you meant? Are you talking about some specific doll?

I don’t know what doll it was. My friend just told me a doll.

When I asked her not to tell me if a spirit was following me, I hadn’t gone to her home. I asked in advance.

 

[teechar]

But that what her mum said. “Something” refers to spirit. She’ll handle the spirit.

Perhaps: "I can sense that you've brought something (home) with you. I'll take care of it".

I don’t know what doll it was. My friend just told me a doll.

OK, then "a doll" works.

When I asked her not to tell me if a spirit was following me, I hadn’t gone to her home. I asked in advance.

I see, then try:

Since I would visit her home after a few days, I asked her in advance not to tell me if I were was being followed by a spirit, because if her mum couldn't help me get rid of it, I would be very scared.