Diary entry - Today, I bought a sea salt perfumed cream.

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Today, I bought a sea salt perfumed cream. I chose it because I want to pretend I'm on the beach by smelling some ocean scent. The weather is too hot for me to go there. However, the cream didn't smell the same as it was in the shop. The scent became rusty ocean when I opened the lid. I applied the cream to my skin and waited for half an hour. I didn't know why I started to feel dizzy. I guessed the smell was too strong. I don't often use perfume. I thought perfumed cream would smell lighter, so I bought it. However, it didn't work well on me either.

 

[tedmc]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Today, I bought a jar of sea salt perfumed cream. I chose it because I want to pretend I'm on the beach [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] smelling/enjoying some ocean scent. The weather [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] was too hot for me to go there. However, the cream didn't smell the same as it was in the shop. [STRIKE]The scent became [/STRIKE] It smelled like "rusty ocean" when I opened the lid. I applied the cream [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] on my skin and waited for half an hour. I didn't know why I started to feel dizzy. I guessed the smell was too strong. I don't often use perfume. I thought perfumed cream would smell lighter, so I bought it. However, it didn't work well on me either.

.

 

[5jj]

I have no idea what rusty ocean is or smells like.

 

[teechar]

the cream didn't smell the same as it [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] did in the shop. However, it didn't work well on me either.

I don't understand the underlined part.

 

[emsr2d2]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Today, I bought [STRIKE]a sea salt perfumed[/STRIKE] an ocean-scented cream.

I chose it because I want to pretend I'm on the beach by [STRIKE]smelling[/STRIKE] breathing in/inhaling [STRIKE]some ocean scent[/STRIKE] the smell of the sea.

The weather is currently too hot for me to go [STRIKE]there[/STRIKE] to the beach/coast.

However, when I put it on/applied it, the cream didn't smell the same as it [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] did in the shop.

The scent became rusty ocean when I opened the lid. "Rusty ocean" means nothing.

I applied the cream to my skin and waited for half an hour. :tick:

I [STRIKE]didn't[/STRIKE] don't know why, but I started to feel dizzy.

I [STRIKE]guessed[/STRIKE] guess the smell was too strong.

I don't often use perfume. :tick: (Although if you're a man, it would be better to use "cologne". We tend to reserve "perfume" for scents for women.)

I thought perfumed cream would smell lighter, so I bought it. Lighter than what?

[STRIKE]However[/STRIKE] Unfortunately, it didn't [STRIKE]work well[/STRIKE] smell good/nice on me. [STRIKE]either.[/STRIKE]

See above. (I put each sentence on its own line purely to make it easier to read.)

 

[tedmc]

I know the indefinite article can be used with the different forms of a substance (cream/lotion/paste/powder) which are considered countable. However, in the context of OP's first sentence, wouldn't it be more appropriate to state the packaging the substance comes in - tube/jar/bottle/sachet?

 

[5jj]

in the context of OP's first sentence, wouldn't it be more appropriate to state the packaging the substance comes in - tube/jar/bottle/sachet?

It would certainly be possible. I don't see why it should be 'more appropriate'.

 

[tedmc]

It would certainly be possible. I don't see why it should be 'more appropriate'.

I would have thought that, as an entry in a diary describing one's daily experience in detail including imageries and the subtleties of scents, it would be more appropriate and consistent to describe the item bought, than just saying "I bought a cream".

 

[5jj]

If there is one place where one does not have to worry about being appropriate or consistent, it is one's own diary.

 

[Maybo]

I have no idea what rusty ocean is or smells like.

I don't know how to describe the smell. In the shop, it smelled as if some milk was mixed with sea water. However, when I opened the lid, it smelled as if rusty metal was mixed with sea water.

 

[Maybo]

I thought perfumed cream would smell lighter, so I bought it. Lighter than what?

I thought perfumed cream would smell lighter than perfume.

 

[tedmc]

I don't know how to describe the smell. In the shop, it smelled as if some milk was mixed with sea water. However, when I opened the lid, it smelled as if rusty metal was mixed with sea water.

It is up to your imagination to describe a smell. "A mix of rusty metal and seawater" would be better than "rusty ocean" (there is no such thing).

 

[emsr2d2]

If it smelled like "some milk was mixed with sea water" in the shop, I'm surprised you bought it at all. It sounds disgusting!

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Salt has no smell. The ocean does. I also wonder whether it's a cream or a lotion. And it wouldn't be perfumed, it would be scented.

So I'd say: Today I bought a jar/bottle/tube of ocean-scented cream/lotion.

 

[Tdol]

I don't know how to describe the smell. In the shop, it smelled as if some milk was mixed with sea water. However, when I opened the lid, it smelled as if rusty metal was mixed with sea water.

You were ripped off.