describing this picture

[alpacinou]

Hello.

How can I describe a photo like this?



I'm talking about the eyes. One of them is glinting in sunlight and the other is in shadow.

 

[emsr2d2]

You just described it. Well, you described the eyes, not the photo.

 

[alpacinou]

You just described it. Well, you described the eyes, not the photo.

Sorry. But you know that simple sentence "One of them is glinting in sunlight and the other is in shadow" doesn't do the trick for me.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Sorry. But you know that simple sentence "One of them is glinting in sunlight and the other is in shadow" doesn't do the trick for me.

So work on it!

 

[tedmc]

She looked out of the window, patches of light cast on her face and shoulder.

 

[alpacinou]

So work on it!

Okay. Let's see.

The soft glow of the October sun diffused by the glass dappled her face, exposing the deep brown of her left eye. Her right eye darker in shadow, gazing into the yard. Her mind, though, was not in the luminous room. She was thinking of escape, much like those tendrils of hair escaping from her ponytail. But was escape an illusion?

Please help me improve it. And I would really love it to see your own version.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Okay. Let's see.

The soft glow of the October sun through the glass dappled her face, one eye darker in shadow, gazing into the yard. Her mind, though, was not in the [STRIKE]luminous[/STRIKE] room. She was thinking of escape,[STRIKE] much[/STRIKE] like the tendrils of hair escaping from her ponytail. But was escape an illusion?

Please help me improve it. And I would really love it to see your own version.

No one will care which eye.

 

[alpacinou]

No one will care which eye.

I know how good a writer you are Charlie. Could you have a go at it?

I specially wanna know how you would mention that eye in the shadow and the contrast between two eyes.

 

[alpacinou]

No one will care which eye.

The soft glow of the October sun through the glass dappled her face, one eye darker in shadow, gazing into the yard. Her mind, though, was not in the room. She was thinking of escape, like the tendrils of hair escaping from her ponytail. But was escape an illusion?

Is it honestly a good paragraph?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

The soft glow of the October sun through the glass dappled her face, one eye [STRIKE]darker[/STRIKE] in shadow as she gazed out at the yard. Her mind[STRIKE], though,[/STRIKE] was not in the room. She was thinking of escape,like the tendrils of hair escaping from her ponytail. But was escape an illusion?

Is it honestly a good paragraph?

Oops! See the green. Delete darker. If it's in shadow, of course it's darker.

Other thoughts: It's a little long. And "But was escape an illusion?" is too melodramatic for my taste. But if you like it, keep it.

Did you look up those three authors I mentioned? They'll teach you how to avoid saying too much.

 

[alpacinou]

Oops! See the green. Delete darker. If it's in shadow, of course it's darker.

Other thoughts: It's a little long. And "But was escape an illusion?" is too melodramatic for my taste. But if you like it, keep it.

Did you look up those three authors I mentioned? They'll teach you how to avoid saying too much.

Thanks Charlie. Yes. I found those books. I will surely check them out.

I really want to find a way to mention the contrast between her glinting eye and the dark one.

Could you please describe the photo yourself if and when you feel like it?

 

[emsr2d2]

I especially [STRIKE]wanna[/STRIKE] want to know how you would mention that eye in the shadow and the contrast between the [two] eyes.

You've been on the forum long enough to know we don't tolerate non-standard usage such as "wanna" here.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Just say it the way you said it. One was in shadow and one glinted (or sparkled or flashed or whatever) in the light.

 

[tedmc]

I wouldn't call the patches of light appearing on a dark subject "glints". A glint is a more concentrated spot of light due to reflection from a smooth, glossy surface.

 

[alpacinou]

Hello.

How can I describe a photo like this?

View attachment 3618

I'm talking about the eyes. One of them is glinting in sunlight and the other is in shadow.

Is it correct to use the word "half-illuminated"?

Her face was half-illuminating in the sunlight filtering in through the window.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is it correct to use the word "half-illuminated"?

Her face was half-illuminating in the sunlight filtering in through the window.

Why did you ask if it was correct to use "half-illuminated" and then use "half-illuminating" in your sentence?

 

[alpacinou]

Why did you ask if it was correct to use "half-illuminated" and then use "half-illuminating" in your sentence?

I apologize. I meant half-illuminated. What do you think about this sentence?

Her face was half-illuminated in the sunlight filtering in through the window.

 

[tedmc]

I apologize. I meant half-illuminated. What do you think about this sentence?

Her face was half-illuminated in the sunlight filtering in through the window.

It is okay but "half-illuminated" does not describe the patchy light-and-shade effect.

 

[alpacinou]

Thanks.

What about the rest of the sentence? I would appreciate it if a native speaker also weighed in on this.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I simply ask myself whether (a) a word helps and (b) whether there's a word that would be clearer.

So I wouldn't say in, because sunlight wouldn't be filtering out. And I wouldn't say half-illuminated when I can say half-lit, because I don't want to make readers do unnecessary work.