[General] ...dashed sand against...

[rodgers white]

Hi, there. For me, imagination in writing is just like the filter in a fish tank and words and paintings are always a perfect combination for us to use it to provide a snapshot into our minds and thoughts. Would you please proofread the sentences as well as share your imagination when you look at the painting. Any help would be appreciated. Here are the words and the painting.

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Year after year, the sea breeze has dashed sand against the shore to be shattered like my heart.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi, there. For me, imagination in writing is just like the filter in a fish tank, and words and paintings are always a perfect combination for us to use [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] to provide a snapshot into our minds and thoughts. Would you please proofread the sentences and share what you imagine when you look at the painting? Any help would be appreciated. Here are the words and the painting.

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Year after year, the sea breeze has dashed sand against the shore to be shattered like my heart.

You can't share your imagination. That is always yours alone. You can share what you imagine. You can tell people what you imagine. You can write about the things you imagine.

 

[rodgers white]

You can't share your imagination. That is always yours alone. You can share what you imagine. You can tell people what you imagine. You can write about the things you imagine.

You are absolutely right. It seems so easy for you to find something wrong in my sentences. It is just the way you express it. For us, we need to read and listen more first so that gradually we can think, say and write in the way as you do.

By the way, I am so impressed by how this expressive head was painted. It is really an intense and affecting close-up of this lady whose emotions was best depicted. Would you please share what emotions you can imagine when you see the lady’s face?

 

[rodgers white]

Hi, there. For me, imagination in writing is just like the filter in a fish tank, and words and paintings are always a perfect combination for us to use to provide a snapshot into our minds and thoughts. Would you please proofread the sentences and share what you imagine when you look at the painting? Any help would be appreciated. Here are the words and the painting.

************************************************** *************

Year after year, the sea breeze has dashed sand against the shore to be shattered like my heart.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

You are absolutely right. It seems so easy for you to find something wrong in my sentences.

I've been speaking English for a very long time. And I still make mistakes. There's a lot to learn. You're doing well!

It is just the way you express it. For us, we need to read and listen more first so that gradually we can think, say and write in the way as you do.

Exactly!

When I used to tutor writing at the university, sometimes the foreign students would get frustrated. When that happened, I'd take them over to our receptionist, Kaoru, who came from Japan. I'd say to the student, "You know Kaoru, right?"

They'd say hello to each other. Then I'd say, "Kaoru's English is perfect." (It was actually better than a lot of the students whose first and only language was English.) And I'd say, "How Enrique how long you've been speaking English.

She'd say, "Twelve years."

And I'd say to the student, "When you've been speaking English for twelve years, yours will be perfect, too."

By the way, I am so impressed by how this expressive head was painted. It is really an intense and affecting close-up of this woman, whose emotions were well depicted.

Lady usually implies aristocracy. This woman looks working-class.

Would you please share what emotions you can imagine when you see her face?

Anxiety, caution.

Keep your writing simple. As time goes by, your writing range will grow.

 

[rodgers white]

Keep your writing simple. As time goes by, your writing range will grow.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I will keep it up to use English as an open window to see the world and try to help my students understand it better.

 

[Tarheel]

Two things. One, why would sand be dashing against the shore? Two, she looks sad (or anxious, as Charlie said).

 

[rodgers white]

Two things. One, why would sand be dashing against the shore? Two, she looks sad (or anxious, as Charlie said).

It's hard for me to explain why sand would be dashing this way. They are just the words dropping out of the tip of my pen. In the morning, when the breeze gently touches my face, the past, just like the sand, would be dashing against my brain-a kind of the shore or the home for my thoughts and minds. I will let those tiny little things emerge in my imagination then try to catch them with my little pen. That is why. It is what it is. Sorry for my mumble-jumble.

 

[Tarheel]

Keeping "sand" in the mix, I might say:

All day does the water dash against the sandy shore.
All day long -- over and over -- more and more!

The sun comes up. The sun goes down.
And the world spins 'round and 'round.

 

[rodgers white]

Keeping "sand" in the mix, I might say:

All day does the water dash against the sandy shore.
All day long -- over and over -- more and more!

The sun comes up. The sun goes down.
And the world spins 'round and 'round.

Wow, I love it. Maybe where it goes from there would be::-D

but you are still my mystery and never fade away,
though the tide comes and goes, low and high.

 

[Tarheel]

Wow, I love it. Maybe where it goes from there would be:

but you are still my mystery like the sun in the sky,
Like the tide that comes and goes, low and high.

I like it better now.
:-D

It's a miracle that life exists at all.

 

[rodgers white]

I like it better now.
:-D

It's a miracle that life exists at all.

All day does the water dash against the sandy shore.
All day long -- over and over -- more and more!

The sun comes up. The sun goes down.
And the world spins 'round and 'round.

but you are still my mystery like the sun in the sky,
Like the tide that comes and goes, low and high.

 

[rodgers white]

What about this version?
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All day long does the water dash against the sandy shore.
Year after year -- over and over -- more and more!
The sun comes up. The sun goes down.
And the world spins 'round and 'round.

but you are still my mystery like the moon in the sky—dim and bright,
Like the tide that comes and goes-- low and high,
Like my heart to be shattered –live and die…

 

[Tarheel]

I like the other version better. There's nothing wrong, of course, with using the moon instead of the sun. But the rhyme scheme fell apart. And the rhythm isn't there like before.
:-|

 

[rodgers white]

To be honest, while looking at the woman in the painting, I can see uncertainty or fear about what's going on in the future. There is anxiety, caution, a little sad and even with a bit anger in her eyes. It really reminds me of probable surge in cases post Thanksgiving in US. The United States is now in the midst of an agonizing spike in COVID infections, hospitalizations, and deaths, with caseloads overwhelming healthcare systems across the country. The only way out is the vaccine. The cavalry is coming, but please don't put your weapons down. People around the world are suffering, as the emotions on this woman's face tell me...

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

To be honest, while looking at the woman in the painting, I can see uncertainty or fear about what's going on in the future. There is anxiety, caution, a little sadness, and even [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] a bit anger in her eyes. It really reminds me of probable surges in cases post-Thanksgiving in the United States. The US is now in the midst of an agonizing spike in COVID infections, hospitalizations, and deaths, with caseloads overwhelming healthcare systems across the country. The only way out is the vaccine. The cavalry is coming, but please don't put your weapons down yet. People around the world are suffering, as the emotions on this woman's face tell me.

See the underlined words. Usually we spell out the country's or organization's full name first, then abrieviate it after that.

 

[rodgers white]

Is that OK now? Learning to use English to express my thoughts and minds is still a long way to go.

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To be honest, while looking at the woman in the painting, I can see uncertainty or fear about what's going on in the future. There is anxiety, caution, a little sadness and even a bit anger in her eyes. It really reminds me of probable surges in cases post-Thanksgiving in the United States. The US is now in the midst of an agonizing spike in COVID infections, hospitalizations, and deaths, with caseloads overwhelming healthcare systems across the country. The only way out is the vaccine. The cavalry is coming, but please don't put your weapons down yet. People around the world are suffering, as the emotions on this woman's face tell me.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

It's good!

Usually we'd say post-Thanksgiving cases rather than cases post-Thanksgiving, but it's not bad your way.

 

[Tarheel]

I suggest that you stick with expressing your thoughts.