[Essay] ...crystal wind chime...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Neither Gan, JingYing, nor Lanhua, mentioned it again. Permission to invite her over had now been given, and it was up to Yang. Of course, Yang did ask Qingmei over, eventually. One might call it fate; another, not letting opportunities pass by without a smile. Gan and Lanhua were happy to leave it in Yang’s hands, but Jingying found it a tad difficult. Never the less she did, mostly. Though, Jingying did suddenly start hinting at her plan to cook specific dishes now and then.

When Yang next met Qingmei at the market, she was a little embarrassed by how she had scampered off. “Sorry, Yang. Before I knew what was happening, my feet had taken me halfway home.”

Yang smiled. “You are lucky, my feet turned to lead, and I couldn’t move at all.” Qingmei laughed. "Like a delicate crystal wind chime", thought Yang. “My mother said I should invite you over, and now she hints about it by telling us what she’s planning on cooking.”

Qingmei said, “Maybe I should come over; it might calm her down a bit.”

Yang laughed nervously. “Really, do you think so? Maybe you are right. I find it is often easier just giving my parents what they want, but not yet, not too fast. They need to work for it a little.”

They both laughed smugly.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Neither Gan, JingYing, nor Lanhua[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] mentioned it again. Permission to invite her over had now been given, and it was up to Yang. Of course, Yang did ask Qingmei over, eventually. One might call it fate; another, not letting opportunities pass by without a smile. Gan and Lanhua were happy to leave it in Yang’s hands, but Jingying found it a tad difficult. Nevertheless she did, mostly, though she did suddenly start hinting at her plan to cook specific dishes now and then.

When Yang next met Qingmei at the market, she was a little embarrassed by how she had hurried off. [Scampering is an activity reserved for cute ittle kids and cute little animals.] “Sorry, Yang. Before I knew what was happening, my feet had taken me halfway home.”

Yang smiled. “You're lucky. My feet turned to lead, and I couldn’t move at all.” Qingmei laughed. [STRIKE]"[/STRIKE]Like a delicate crystal wind chime[STRIKE]"[/STRIKE], thought Yang. “My mother said I should invite you over, and now she hints about it by telling us what she’s planning on cooking.”

Qingmei said, “Maybe I should come over. It might calm her down a bit.”

Yang laughed nervously. “Really, do you think so? Maybe you're right. I find it's often easier just giving my parents what they want, but not yet, not too fast. They need to work for it a little.”

They both laughed smugly. [Is smugly is the word you want? It has a negative connotation.]

It's coming along!

Notes:

- In contemporary writing, unspoken thoughts are rarely treated as quotes. I don't recall seeing quotation marks around them for at least twenty years. Sometimes they're in italics. Of course, however you want to signify thoughts, the important thing is to be consistent.

- In conversation, many phrases with pronouns or the word not are almost always contractions: it's, they're, I'd, we've, she'll, can't, doesn't, didn't, isn't, and so one. Speakers who don't use them sound like they're not native English-speakers.

 

[rodgers white]

Thank you for your time. What about this version:

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Neither Gan, JingYing, nor Lanhua, mentioned it again. Permissionto invite her over, had now been given, and it was up to Yang. Of course, Yangdid ask Qingmei over, eventually; one might call it fate, another, not letting opportunities pass by without a smile. Gan and Lanhua were happy to leave it inYang’s hands, but Jingying found it a tad difficult. Nevertheless she did,mostly, though she did suddenly start hinting at her plan to cook specificdishes now and then.

When Yang next met Qingmei at the market, she was a little embarrassed by how she had hurried off. “Sorry, Yang. Before I knew what was happening, my feet had taken me halfway home.”

Yang smiled. “You’ re lucky. My feet turned to lead, and I couldn’t move at all”. Qingmei laughed. Like a delicate crystal wind chime, thought Yang. “My mother said I should invite you over, and now she hints about it by telling us what she’s planning on cooking."

Qingmei said. “Maybe I should come over.It might calm her down a bit.”

Yang laughed nervously. “Really, do you think so? Maybe you’ re right. I find it isoften easier just giving my parents what they want, but not yet, not too fast.They need to work for it a little.”

They both laughed smugly.

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Is there any room to improve, or do you have something to share?