Cover letter Proof Read Needed Please!

[steve37]

Hi All,

I was wondering if someone could please proof read my cover letter. Please feel free to make any changes if necessary.

Thank you so much in advance.

Regards,
Steve
________________________________________________________
Re: Mechanical Engineer (HVAC)


Dear Sir/Madam,

In response to your advertisement for the above position as disclosed on the Seek website, I would like to offer my application. After reading the description for this opportunity, I am sure I have the relevant experience, drive and ability required.

Over the past twelve months, I have been working as a graduate mechanical engineer with XXX Company in its mining and industrial sector. Although my experience has been in the mining and industrial industry, I am so keen to develop my expertise on HVAC design projects. In my current position, I have worked on a range of projects and have developed a wide range of professional skills specialising in pump and piping design. In addition, I have demonstrated strong interpersonal and communication skills on a daily basis, and excellent analytical and problem solving skills.

YYY Company particularly appeals to me because your company is one of the leading multi-disciplines building services firms in Western Australia, which offers a challenging and stimulating work environment. Furthermore, this position offers the opportunities to gain hands-on experience on a variety of tasks within the building services industry, which will enable me to develop knowledge and skills required to become a mechanical building service engineer.

Thank you for reviewing my application. Please find enclosed a copy of my resume and academic transcripts. I believe my technical experience and educational background coupled with my knowledge and desire to succeed give me a unique blend of skills that would greatly benefit your company, and would welcome the opportunity to discuss my application in more detail at an interview.


Yours sincerely,
My Name

 

[tedtmc]

not a teacher

some suggestions:

Dear Sir/Madam,

In response to your advertisement for the above position as disclosed(which appeared ) on the Seek website, I would like to offer(submit) my application. After reading the description for this opportunity, I am sure I have the relevant experience, drive and ability required.

Over the past twelve months, I have been working as a graduate mechanical engineer with XXX Company in its'(its, no apostophe or 'the') mining and industrial sector. Although my experience has been in the mining and industrial industry, I am so (very)keen to develop my expertise on HVAC design projects. In my current position, I have worked on a range of projects and have developed a wide range of professional skills specialising in pump and piping design. In addition, I have demonstrated strong interpersonal and communication skills (on a daily basis, delete), and excellent analytical and problem solving skills.

YYY Company particularly appeals to me because your company is one of the leading multi-disciplines(multi-disciplinary) building services firms in western(Western, capitalized) Australia, which offers a challenging and stimulating work environment. Furthermore, this position offers the opportunities to gain hands-on experience on in(delete on) a variety of tasks within the building services industry, which will enable me to develop the knowledge and skills required to become a mechanical building service engineer.

Thank you for reviewing(considering) my application. Please find enclosed a copy of my resume and academic transcripts. I believe my technical experience and educational background, coupled with my knowledge and desire to succeed, give me a unique blend of skills that would greatly benefit your company, and I would welcome the opportunity to discuss my application in more detail at an interview.


Yours sincerely,
My Name