[Grammar] could you please check it for me?

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Vincen't Wong

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Feb 23, 2015
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Hallo, Teacher
Hope you could check it for me again:roll::roll:.Thank you so much!!
:cry:The writing time is not enough for the weak student like me, i always write overtime

Topic:
When considering your university education, should you follow the wishes of your parents or be guided by your friends? Write an essay stating your opinion. Support your opinion with three reasons. Give your essay an appropriate title.

Decide your own way

Every year at this moment, many form-6 students confuses about their future. Should I go for work or continue study in university is the most common question among all the students. You must already receive much advice from your parents and friends. However, deciding the choice yourselves is always the best way for students to go.

To begin with, parents who usually have high expectation on children do not know their kids’ interests. They just want them to choose the best choice which they think it is. Take my parents as an example, my father who is an engineer encouraged me to study engineering in university so that I could inherit his business and earn considerable money from that. Therefore, they ignored my personally wishes of studying art and forced me to study engineering as my university major. I had no choice but to follow their wishes without thinking too much, and I had studying there for more than a year. However, I was not interested in engineering at all so I got an undesirable Grade Point Average and wasted my valuable time there. After that, I decided to leave the engineer school and pursued my dream of studying art. After a few years, I became a famous designer in the USA due to following my dream and interest bravely. As the old saying goes by” interests decide your future” and” life is just once”, you need to decide your choice carefully but not to accept others’ advice without thinking.

Besides, you should also consider your ability of whether you could study there or not. Some popular subjects like engineering and medicine require high mathematical ability and high marks in public examination. You could not just follow your friends’ advice but ignore your ability. I believe that everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses, and no one is prefect. Therefore, you need to focus on developing your strengths. You are the only one who completely knows about yourselves. Please don’t try to follow other’s opinions. And deeply think if it is suitable for you.

Someone said that old people, such as parents and teachers, are experienced so you should listen to them. However, they don’t know your difficulties and could not guarantee you to have a good future even if you accept their advice. If you have decided the way to go and considered that thoroughly, you should do for it and you will have no regret even if you could not succeed at the end. In fact, no one could know the future, their advice are just assumptions for you to refer. For example, they usually encourage their sons or students to further study because they personally think that education is the only way to change a life. However, Apple founder – Steve Job and Facebook founder – Mark Zackerbrg were both uneducated in university but still got a great success respectively. Therefore, the keys to the success are following your dream and taking others’ guidance as references only.

In conclusion, when it comes to considering your future, you better think about your interest, dream, ability. Guidance and wishes of parents or friends are just references for you think deeply before you decide whether you go for a work or further study. I hope students will have no regret in the choice they made.
 
Please, could someone help me?
 
Vincent, we can't help you with essays you will turn in to your teacher.
 
"Homework" is uncountable so no article is required. What is the purpose of your essay?
Thanks! it is the practice of the coming IELTs
I wish someone could help me:cry:
 
[STRIKE]The [/STRIKE][STRIKE]writing time[/STRIKE] Practice in writing is not enough for [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a weak student like me, [STRIKE]i always write overtime.[/STRIKE] I need to practice a lot more.

Topic:
When considering your university education, should you follow the wishes of your parents or be guided by your friends? Write an essay stating your opinion. Support your opinion with three reasons. Give your essay an appropriate title.

Decide your own way

Every year at this [STRIKE]moment[/STRIKE] time, many Form-6 students [STRIKE]confuses[/STRIKE] are confused about their future. "Should I go [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] out to work or [STRIKE]continue[/STRIKE] pursue further study in university?"This is the most common question among all [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] students. You must have already received much advice from your parents and friends. However, [STRIKE]deciding the choice[/STRIKE] making their own decisions [STRIKE]yourselves[/STRIKE] is always the [STRIKE]best[/STRIKE] way [STRIKE]for students[/STRIKE] to go.

To begin with, parents who usually have high expectations [STRIKE]on [/STRIKE] of their children, do not really know their kids’ interests. They just want them to [STRIKE]choose the best choice which they think it is[/STRIKE] follow the choice which the former feel is the best for them . Take my parents as an example. My father who is an engineer encouraged me to study engineering in university so that I could [STRIKE]inherit [/STRIKE] take over his business and earn [STRIKE]considerable[/STRIKE] good money from[STRIKE] that[/STRIKE] it. [STRIKE]Therefore,[/STRIKE] They chose to ignore [STRIKE]ignored [/STRIKE]my personal[STRIKE]ly [/STRIKE] wishes of studying art and forced me to study engineering as my university major. I had no choice but to follow their wishes without thinking too much, and I hadbeen [STRIKE]studying there[/STRIKE] taking the course for more than a year. However, I was not interested in engineering at all, so I got an undesirable Grade Point Average and wasted my valuable time [STRIKE]there[/STRIKE]. After that, I decided to leave the engineering school and pursued my dream of studying art. After a few years, I became a famous designer in the USA due to [STRIKE]following[/STRIKE] my pursuing my dream and interest bravely. As the old saying goes by” interests decide your future” and” life is just once”, you need to [STRIKE]decide[/STRIKE] make your choice carefully but not to accept others’ advice without thinking.

[STRIKE]Besides, you should also[/STRIKE]Another factor to consider is your ability(aptitude is a better word) [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] - whether you [STRIKE]could study there or not[/STRIKE] have what it takes to succeed in a course. Some popular [STRIKE]subjects[/STRIKE] courses like engineering and medicine require high mathematical ability and [STRIKE]high marks[/STRIKE] outstanding performance in public examinations. You [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] should not just follow your friends’ advice but [STRIKE]ignore your ability[/STRIKE] know you limitations. I believe that everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses, and no one is prefect. Therefore, you need to focus on developing your strengths. You [STRIKE]are the only one who completely knows about yourselves[/STRIKE] know your own abiities best . Please don’t try to follow other’s opinions. And [STRIKE]deeply [/STRIKE]think carefully if [STRIKE]it [/STRIKE] your chosen course is suitable for you.

[STRIKE]Someone said that[/STRIKE]The advice is that old people, such as parents and teachers, are experienced so you should listen to them. However, they [STRIKE]don’t[/STRIKE] may not know your difficulties and [STRIKE]could not guarantee you to[/STRIKE] there is no guarantee that you would have a good future even if you accept their advice.[STRIKE] If [/STRIKE] Once you have decided [STRIKE]the way to go [/STRIKE] on the choice of course and considered[STRIKE] that[/STRIKE] it thoroughly, you should [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] go for it and you will have no regret even if you could not succeed at the end. In fact, no one could know the future,[STRIKE] their[/STRIKE] advice from your elders are just [STRIKE]assumptions for you to refer[/STRIKE] to help you along. For example, they usually encourage their [STRIKE]sons or students[/STRIKE] children to pursue further study because they [STRIKE]personally[/STRIKE] think that education is the only way to change [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] life for the better. However, Apple founder, Steve Jobs and Facebook founder – Mark Zuckerbrg were both [STRIKE]uneducated [/STRIKE]in university drop-outs but still [STRIKE]got a great success [/STRIKE][STRIKE]respectively[/STRIKE] went on to do extremely well in their careers. [STRIKE]Therefore, [/STRIKE]To sum up, the key[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] to the success in university education and subsequently your career is - follow[STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] your dreams and [STRIKE]taking others’ guidance as references only.[/STRIKE] listen to advice from the elders but use your own judgement.

In conclusion, [STRIKE]when it comes to considering your future[/STRIKE] in deciding on your university education and career path, [STRIKE]you better think about your [/STRIKE] we should take into consideration the factors of personal interest, [STRIKE]dream[/STRIKE],[STRIKE] ability[/STRIKE] aspiration and aptitude. The guidance and wishes of parents or friends [STRIKE]are just references for you think deeply[/STRIKE] should be considered second before you decide whether you go [STRIKE] for a[/STRIKE]out to work or pursue further study. [STRIKE]I [/STRIKE] Let us hope that students will have no regrets in [STRIKE]the choice they made[/STRIKE] whatever choices they make.

not a teacher
 
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Thanks you so much:)
I have learnt a lot from it!
 
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