Correct my passage Please ( E mail to a vendor )

[EMHM]

I have written this passage as an email to one of our vendors . Please check it for me, to avoid mistakes in future .

"
Dear Mr. Hari,

With reference to our joint-site-visit, for BB building, on 16[SUP]th[/SUP] of June 2016, and with reference to the recommendations you sent, we agreed with the choice of changing the entire CCTV system in the above mentioned building.

The new system suppose to be fulfill replacement of the existing one, as it is used for covering the hall and its two entries, without the extra locations we visited.

So that, can you send us a Budgetary Quotation for a CCTV system for BB building ?

Regards

"

 

[tedmc]

I have written this passage as an email to one of our vendors . Please check it for me, to avoid mistakes in future.

Dear Mr. Hari,

With reference to our joint site visit (no hyphen needed) [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] of BB building (no hyphen) on 16[SUP]th[/SUP] of June 2016, and [STRIKE]with reference to[/STRIKE] the recommendations you sent, we [STRIKE]agreed [/STRIKE] agree with [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] your [STRIKE] choice[/STRIKE] proposal of changing the entire CCTV system in the above mentioned building.

The new system is supposed to [STRIKE]be fulfil replacement of [/STRIKE] totally replace the existing one, as it is used [STRIKE]for covering[/STRIKE] to cover the hall and its two [STRIKE]entries[/STRIKE] entrances, without the extra locations (?)we visited.

So[STRIKE] that,[/STRIKE] Can you send us a Budgetary Quotation for [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] the CCTV system for BB building?

Regards

.

 

[emsr2d2]

Say "our joint site visit to [name of building].

I would use "... we agree with your proposal to change ..."

 

[EMHM]

I like your writings, you make English language seems simple and easy. I hope one day I'll be able to write your way.

If possible, I'll be happy if you guide me for the areas where I have to improve, and the websites that helps ( if any ).

tedmc and emsr2d2 thank you for what you are giving me from your time and effort.