Correct my mistakes

[garyrossiter]

I'm a graphics designer i i'm applying for B.S in media science program in a university(My english is weak)

I need someone to correct the mistakes i have made in my answer please

QUESTION: In 200 words describe your aims and objectives for future? and how you think that EXAMPLE university can help you in fulfillment of these goals?


ANSWER:I find the fields of graphic design and animation interesting so I have decided to study a course to include these areas. Graphic designing is not a career or a hobby for me, it's a passion,We all see the world differently, and when I take a moment to look around me, my mind starts to buzz with ideas about my material surroundings

I do commissioned work on an individual basis, which I love. I love having a project to focus on at all times, to give me focus and goals and to inject my newer ideas into.


It is not just a career choice for me, it is a life choice. It is my choice and always will be.


And as we all know that Example university is ranked number one private university in my city, That's the reason why i would like to study in it
I would hope that after compeleting my degree from Example university, I would be able to make a professional career in my field.

 

[garyrossiter]

Help please!

I'm a graphics designer i i'm applying for B.S in media science program in a university(My english is weak)

I need someone to correct the mistakes i have made in my answer please

QUESTION: In 200 words describe your aims and objectives for future? and how you think that EXAMPLE university can help you in fulfillment of these goals?


ANSWER:I find the fields of graphic design and animation interesting so I have decided to study a course to include these areas. Graphic designing is not a career or a hobby for me, it's a passion,We all see the world differently, and when I take a moment to look around me, my mind starts to buzz with ideas about my material surroundings

I do commissioned work on an individual basis, which I love. I love having a project to focus on at all times, to give me focus and goals and to inject my newer ideas into.


It is not just a career choice for me, it is a life choice. It is my choice and always will be.


And as we all know that Example university is ranked number one private university in my city, That's the reason why i would like to study in it
I would hope that after compeleting my degree from Example university, I would be able to make a professional career in my field.

 

[TheParser]

I find graphic design and animation fascinating, so I have decided to pursue a course that includes these fields. Graphic designing is not simply a career or a hobby for me -- it's a passion. We all see the world differently. When I look around me, my mind starts to buzz with ideas about the environment.

I do commissioned work on an individual basis. I love working on a single project, for it gives me an opportunity to reach my goal of injecting innovative ideas.


It is not only a career choice for me but also a life choice.


Because Example university is ranked as the best private university in my city, I would like to study there. After graduating, I hope to make a career in this field.

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

Hello, Mr. Rossiter:

I have made a few suggestions.

I think that you have done a very good job.

I feel that a more concise paragraph might better impress the admissions office.


Best of luck to you.



James

 

[Carla873]

Good job there!

 

[garyrossiter]

thanks

 

[emsr2d2]

Thanks.

Please note that there is no need to write a new post to say "Thank you", especially as it needed correction. Simply click on the Thank button on any post you find helpful.