"Congratulation!" for marriage?

[Mehrgan]

Hi,
I once heard 'congratulations' is not a polite term to be said to a female who's recently got married. Is that right?


Thanks.

 

[freezeframe]

Hi,
I once heard 'congratulations' is not a polite term to be said to a female who's recently got married. Is that right?


Thanks.

According to the traditional rules of etiquette, yes. You first address the bride offering her "best wishes" and then you address the groom with "congratulations".

Congratulations imply that he got lucky to get such a woman and also that he pursued her. To say to a woman that she got lucky to get such a man or that she was the pursuer is (considered) insulting to her. Consider this in the context of "traditional" view of courtship where the man had to win the woman.

 

[Mehrgan]

According to the traditional rules of etiquette, yes. You first address the bride offering her "best wishes" and then you address the groom with "congratulations".

Congratulations imply that he got lucky to get such a woman and also that he pursued her. To say to a woman that she got lucky to get such a man or that she was the pursuer is (considered) insulting to her. Consider this in the context of "traditional" view of courtship where the man had to win the woman.

Do such rules still matter? What are the common phrases used nowadays?

Thanks!

 

[freezeframe]

It depends on the couple. But this rule is outdated for majority of people.

I'd imagine if they're "traditional" and she's been a debutante, you should probably follow the proper etiquette. If she's a feminist, you'd better not. If they're a same sex couple, good luck figuring this out!

Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!"

 

[riquecohen]

It depends on the couple. But this rule is outdated for majority of people.

If they're a same sex couple, good luck figuring this out! Gratuitous comments such as this one only serve to demean gay people.

Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!" Nice. This would certainly be appropriate for a same-sex couple.

This is 2011.

 

[freezeframe]

This is 2011.

I will attempt to avoid any personalization in my future posts. :-|

I don't see how anything I said is demeaning and no offense of any kind was meant but this is off-topic. You are welcome to message me.

 

[JMurray]

Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!"

freezeframe: are you saying that "Mate, you got lucky but it won't last" and "He's not good enough for you, you'll regret this", are not suitable?

 

[freezeframe]

Just wish them both "best wishes" and "all the happiness you deserve" and add "I am so happy for you both!"

freezeframe: are you saying that "Mate, you got lucky but it won't last" and "He's not good enough for you, you'll regret this", are not suitable?

Provide more context, please. ;-)

The first suggestion -- "Mate, you got lucky but it won't last" -- might be perfectly suited for a pirate themed wedding. Yarr!

 

[Rover_KE]

Hi,
I once heard 'congratulations' is not a polite term to be said to a female who's recently got married. Is that right?

Replace polite with traditional. It's certainly not rude to say it.

Rover

 

[nyota]

I'd imagine if they're "traditional" and she's been a debutante, you should probably follow the proper etiquette. If she's a feminist, you'd better not. If they're a same sex couple, good luck figuring this out!

If they're a same sex couple getting married, they're probably not very traditional. ;-)

 

[BobK]

The etiquette-approved wording for a positive wish for a woman about to marry, 'best wishes', used to be 'felicitations'. I expect that would be the term used by Jane Austen, say.

The reason for this quaint form of discrimination, it seems to me, may be* rooted in the Courtly love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia tradition of women on pedestals. The man was automatically inferior:

to the man: Congratulations[; you have done well in landing such a catch.]
to the woman: Felicitations [Latin felix = 'happy']; [I hope you will be happy living with such a bozo!]

b
*I've got no authority to cite; this is my own idea. Don't take it as Gospel.

 

[5jj]

I don't see how anything I said is demeaning

Nor do I. Nor did the gay couple staying with me when we read your post.

 

[nyota]

I don't see how anything I said is demeaning and no offense of any kind was meant but this is off-topic. You are welcome to message me.

Nor do I. Nor did the gay couple staying with me when we read your post.

I thought it was funny. Actually I didn't think, I just laughed. The gay couple staying with me also didn't consider it offensive.

 

[Barb_D]

Mazel tov works so well in so many situations.

It helps, of course, to be Jewish if you want to sound authentic.

 

[Rover_KE]

Mazel tov works so well in so many situations.

It helps, of course, to be Jewish if you want to sound authentic.

Oy vey!

(I'm not Jewish, so that won't sound authentic.)

Rover

 

[5jj]

Oy vey!

(I'm not Jewish, so that won't sound authentic.)

Rover

Authentic it wasn't. ;-)

 

[riquecohen]

I will attempt to avoid any personalization in my future posts. :-|

I don't see how anything I said is demeaning and no offense of any kind was meant but this is off-topic. You are welcome to message me.

Having reflected on this, I feel that I overreacted. Please accept my apologies.

 

[freezeframe]

Having reflected on this, I feel that I overreacted. Please accept my apologies.

:cheers: