[General] Cloud computing has recently emerged as a new paradigm

[ambitious-girl]

Could you please check the following?

Cloud computing has recently emerged as a new paradigm for hosting and delivering services over the Internet. This field is attractive to business owners as it eliminates the requirement for users to plan ahead for provisioning, and allows enterprises to start from the small and increase resources only when there is a rise in service demand. However, despite the fact that cloud computing offers huge opportunities to the IT industry, where I have been working for years, the development of cloud computing technology is currently at its infancy, with many issues still to be addressed. As a result, I am going to continue my education in this field to get a real insight into cloud computing, highlighting its key concepts, architectural principles, state-of-the-art implementation as well as research challenges. I think Master's Program in this field should provide a better understanding of the design challenges of cloud computing and identify important research directions in this increasingly important area.

 

[Raymott]

Could you please check the following?

Cloud computing has recently emerged as a new paradigm for hosting and delivering services over the Internet. This field is attractive to business owners as it eliminates the requirement for users to plan ahead for provisioning, and allows enterprises to start from the small and increase resources only when there is a rise in service demand. However, despite the fact that cloud computing offers huge opportunities to the IT industry, [STRIKE]where[/STRIKE] in which I have been working for years, the development of cloud computing technology is currently at its infancy, with many issues still to be addressed. As a result, I am going to continue my education in this field to get a [STRIKE]real [/STRIKE] in-depth insight into cloud computing, highlighting its key concepts, architectural principles, state-of-the-art implementation [STRIKE]as well as[/STRIKE] and research challenges. I think the/a Master's Program in this field should provide a better understanding of the design challenges of cloud computing and identify important research directions in this increasingly important area.

The first two changes are to make it sound more formal. "As well as" is simply not warranted - there's no reason why this item should be given prominence over the others, or be isolated from them. You might want to say how many years. 'For years' is also not good in a formal application, if that's what this is. It depends on what you're going to use it for.