Charlie locked his eyes onto Janice.

[alpacinou]

Charlie locked his eyes onto Janice. "Why did your arm twitch when Patrick said he is leaving? Do you have feelings for him?" he asked.
Janice narrowed her eyes. "You are just a friend, nothing more. Know your place."
"Relax Jan, I'm just asking," he said offering her a mug of coffee.
"What gives you the right to ask?" She pushed him aside and went to bathroom.
"The four years of my life I wasted on you give me the right to ask," he said to the empty dining room.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Charlie locked his eyes onto Janice. "Why did your arm twitch when Patrick said he is leaving? Do you have feelings for him?" he asked.

Hm. Why did her arm twitch? That seems like an unlikely reaction.

Janice narrowed her eyes. "You're just a friend, nothing more. Know your place."

That's doesn't sound like a friend. Give it another shot.

"Relax Jan, I'm just asking," he said offering her a mug of coffee.

"What gives you the right to ask?" She pushed him aside and went to bathroom.

"The four years of my life I wasted on you give me the right to ask," he said to the empty dining room.

You have some good ideas there. You might fool around with them to give them a little more reality.

 

[alpacinou]

You have some good ideas there. You might fool around with them to give them a little more reality.

Fair enough.

And this?

Charlie locked his eyes onto Janice. "Why did you blush when Patrick sat next to you? Do you have feelings for him or something?" he asked.
Janice narrowed her eyes. "You're just a colleague, nothing more. Know your place."
"Relax Jan, I'm just asking," he said offering her a mug of coffee.
"What gives you the right to ask?" She pushed him aside and went to bathroom.
"The four years of my life I wasted chasing you give me the right to ask," he said to the empty dining room.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Better! That's a lot more natural.

 

[emsr2d2]

Charlie locked his eyes onto Janice. "Why did you blush when Patrick sat next to you? Do you have feelings for him or something?", he asked.

Janice narrowed her eyes. "You're just a colleague, nothing more. Know your place."

"Relax, Jan. I'm just asking," he said, offering her a mug of coffee.

"What gives you the right to ask?" She pushed him aside and went to bathroom.

"The four years of my life I wasted chasing you give me the right to ask," he said to the empty dining room.

Note my amendments above. I find the fact that you combined every line of dialogue with an action a bit grating.