Catia got that tingling sensation as he stole the ball and proceeded...

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Catia got that tingling sensation as he stole the ball and proceeded with his foray into enemy territory. Her eyes locked on him as he danced, and teased, weaving his way through a tangle of hostile legs. Opposite her, on the other side of the stadium, as if in slow motion, spectators rose to their feet like an army standing up to salute a commander. He wriggled into the penalty box and...BAM! His ferocious volley curled into the back of the net, stretching it. The stadium erupted and the fans' shouts of joy overpowered Catia's cries of joy. She couldn't embrace disbelief. Is this really happening? Am I making it up? With wide eyes, she gazed at her high school sweetheart as he ran towards the corner, shaking his head in jubilation and shouting towards the sky, offering gratitude to football gods. A dizziness washed over Catia when she looked at time on the score board. It was the 90th minute, no more time left for the opponents to strike back. She smiled as she remembered what he'd always said when he arrived late on their dates: "Better late than never."

 

[Tarheel]

It's a good ending. I might say he headed into enemy territory.

I'm not sure what "She couldn't embrace disbelief" means.

 

[alpacinou]

Is this okay?

Catia got that tingling sensation as he stole the ball and headed into enemy territory. Her eyes locked on him as he danced, and teased, weaving his way through a tangle of hostile legs. Opposite her, on the other side of the stadium, as if in slow motion, spectators rose to their feet like an army standing up to salute a commander. He wriggled into the penalty box and...BAM! His ferocious volley curled into the back of the net, stretching it. The stadium erupted and the fans' shouts of joy overpowered Catia's cries of joy. With wide eyes, she gazed at her high school sweetheart as he ran towards the corner, shaking his head in jubilation and shouting towards the sky, offering gratitude to football gods. A dizziness washed over Catia when she looked at time on the score board. It was the 90th minute, no more time left for the opponents to strike back. She smiled as she remembered what he'd always said when he arrived late on their dates: "Better late than never."

 

[Tarheel]

Overall it's pretty good. And it's quite original. (For an ESL learner being original is not always a good thing, but you are at a high level.)

I wouldn't use "wriggled" there, but I suppose it's not terrible. Also, I would prefer "shot" to volley.

The phrase "shaking his head in jubilation" doesn't work for me.

Say: the football gods.

Let's see what @emsr2d2 has to say.

 

[Tarheel]

Wow! Two days and nobody else has commented. Let's tag somebody.
@Amigos4 What do you think?

 

[5jj]

alpacinou has been banned, so I am locking this thread.