As four men lowered Paul's coffin into

[Bassim]

Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentences? I wrote them as an exercise. I imagine this scene happening at a funeral. I'm wondering if "steel herself" sounds natural in this sentence.

As four men lowered Paul's coffin into the grave, Linda steeled herself for the grief swelling inside her. She had vowed not to cry, but a howl escaped out of her mouth. She was embarrassed, but the pain was overwhelming. For more than forty years, she had lain beside that body, which was now descending into the ground, never to see the light again. How was she going to sleep with the empty side of the bed and wake up and know that it would be vacant until her death? Tears welled into her eyes, and she didn't try to wipe them away. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry!" a voice whispered into her ear. She smelled a musky eau de cologne and looked up. The man's face was smooth, his dark eyes had long lashes. Many decades before, she was astonished by their beauty.

"Kevin!" she said. "Am I dreaming? Is it really you?"
He stepped in front of her, taller by a head than she, held her hands and looked into her eyes. "No, Linda. You're not dreaming. True, my hair has turned grey, and my arthritic knees hurt, but I'm the same."
"It must be more than forty five years we saw each other the last time. I still have that Hemingway book you gave me when we sat by the lake. How did you know that Paul had died? How did you find out about the funeral?"
"Love has no borders, no boundaries. Love has no time or place." His lips curved into a smile. "Don't your remember what we promised to each other on that evening by the lake?"

 

[EnglishArrow]

Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentences? I wrote them as an exercise. I imagine this scene happening at a funeral. I'm wondering if "steel herself" sounds natural in this sentence.

As four men lowered Paul's coffin into the grave, Linda steeled herself for the grief swelling inside her. She had vowed not to cry, but a howl escaped [STRIKE]out of[/STRIKE] her mouth. She was embarrassed, but the pain was overwhelming. For more than forty years, she had lain beside that body (I recommend a different word than "body" here because it sounds like she slept with the dead body, maybe use "man" or "human"), which (in accordance with previous comment, try "whose body...") was now descending into the ground, never to see the light again. How was she going to sleep with the empty side of the bed and wake up [STRIKE]and know[/STRIKE]knowing that it would be vacant until her death? Tears welled up in[STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] her eyes, and she didn't try to wipe them away. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry!" a voice whispered into her ear. She smelled of a musky eau de cologne and looked up. The man's face was smooth, his dark eyes had long lashes. Many decades before, she was astonished by their beauty.

"Kevin!" she said. "Am I dreaming? Is it really you?"
He stepped in front of her, taller [STRIKE]by a head than she[/STRIKE] than her by a head, held her hands and looked into her eyes. "No, Linda. You're not dreaming. True, my hair has turned grey, and my arthritic knees hurt, but I'm the same."
"It must be more than forty five years [STRIKE]we saw each other the last time[/STRIKE] since the last time we saw each other. I still have that Hemingway book you gave me when we sat by the lake. How did you know that Paul had died? How did you find out about the funeral?"
"Love has no borders, no boundaries. Love has no time or place." His lips curved into a smile. "Don't your remember what we promised to each other on that evening by the lake?"

Good writing. Your use of "steeled herself" is good in this sentence.

 

[Bassim]

EnglishArrow,

Thank you for your corrections and your suggestions.
I'd just like to say that it was not she who smelled of a musky eau de cologne but Paul. You added "of" which sounds that it was her scent, when it is his eau de cologne.

 

[emsr2d2]

I was very relieved to see "I imagine this scene happening at a funeral" once I'd seen the title! ;-)

 

[Tarheel]

It's very effective, Bassim.

 

[Bassim]

Tarheel,

I am creating these small scenes as exercises to see where I make the mistakes. I know that there are not big mistakes but in a proper writing they should never happen. I see those scenes in my head as they are happening, and then I write them down in English without thinking in my mother tongue. I'm often hampered by the vocabulary and grammar, but I believe this is the only way if I ever want to learn to write properly.

 

[emsr2d2]

Tarheel,

I am creating these small scenes as exercises to see where I make [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] mistakes. I know that [STRIKE]there[/STRIKE] they are not big mistakes but in [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] proper writing they should never happen.

See above. In case it's not clear, the indefinite article before "proper writing" should not be there.