As Bob was walking in the city

[Bassim]

Have I made any mistakes?

As Bob was walking in the city he noticed that nobody was paying attention to him. He might just as well have been invisible. This was such a contrast to his little hometown where everyone knew everyone, and where he was often greeted by passers-by as soon as he came out of his home.

 

[Tdol]

Any thoughts on a comma after in the city?

 

[Tarheel]

That's an interesting first line. (I would be wary if someone was paying attention to me.)

I don't see any mistakes.