[Essay] Anecdote

[amirdhagopal]

Is the following construct correct, especially the way of merging the sentences with 'that' and mixing the direct and indirect speeches?

Sitting next to Coolidge, the then president of U.S., a young newspaperwomen told him that she had a bet with her editor that she would make Mr.Coolidge to speak more than two words to her that evening, for which Coolidge simple rejoined "You lose".

Also, any improvements are welcomed, regarding this.

 

[Raymott]

Is the following construct correct, especially the way of merging the sentences with 'that' and mixing the direct and indirect speeches?

Sitting next to Coolidge, the then president of U.S., a young newspaperwomen told him that she had a bet with her editor that she would make Mr.Coolidge [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] speak more than two words to her that evening, [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] to which Coolidge simple rejoined, "You lose".

Also, any improvements are welcomed, regarding this.

R.