[General] A very important email

[RiadZ]

Hello,

I have a crucial email in English I need to send to a teacher. As I am a native French speaker, I am not confident about how it came out, and I would like the community to re-read it for me. I am not sure that this is the right place to ask for that, and if I am mistaken then I am sorry about that.

The purpose of the email is to ask for a reorientation in a specialization. The receiver is the teacher that oversees it. I am really in need of this reorientation, and what I am asking for here is something hard to achieve.

Subject : Inquiry about the specialization "Applied Data Science"

Hello Mr. Wei Zhou,

I am currently a pre-master student at ESCP BS. We have met on two occasions to discuss the specialization "Applied Data Science", and I was planning to attend, at your invitation, the hackathon presentations in the Montparnasse campus.


After having discussed this option with you and a few of your colleagues, I entered "Applied Data Science" as my first choice for my spring 2021 specialization. However, I learnt yesterday that I was not assigned to it. As I was not expecting this outcome, this came as a shock to me : since I plan on going on a double degree with a partner institution in the second year of the Master, I will not be able to follow this course the following spring, and I am only able to choose one specialization for my degree.


This is why I am reaching out to you : I am asking you, in the light of my special circumstances, to exceptionally add me in the course for the spring 2021 semester. I understand the uniqueness of my demand and, although this is common practice each year, the exception I am asking you to make. However, I would not make this request if I was not truly motivated and did not feel deeply involved with the subject.


Kind regards,

Riad.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hello,

I have a crucial email in English I need to send to a teacher. As I am a native French speaker, I am not confident about how it came out, and I would like the community to re-read it for me. I am not sure that this is the right place to ask for that, and if I am mistaken then I am sorry about that.

The purpose of the email is to ask for a reorientation in a specialization. The receiver is the teacher that oversees it. I am really in need of this reorientation, and what I am asking for here is something hard to achieve.

Subject : Inquiry about the specialization "Applied Data Science"

Hello Mr. Wei Zhou,

I am currently a pre-master student at ESCP BS. We have met on two occasions to discuss the specialization Applied Data Science [Delete the quotation marks.], and I was planning to attend, at your invitation, the hackathon presentations in the Montparnasse campus.


After having discussed this option with you and a few of your colleagues, I entered "Applied Data Science" as my first choice for my spring 2021 specialization. However, I learnt yesterday that I was not assigned to it. As I was not expecting this outcome, this came as a shock to me[no space]: Since I plan on going on a double degree with a partner institution in the second year of the Master [Do you mean master's degree program? If you do, spell it out - without capitals.], I will not be able to follow this course the following spring, and I am only able to choose one specialization for my degree.


This is why I am reaching out to you[no space]: I am asking you, in the light of my special circumstances, to make an exception and add me in the course for the spring 2021 semester. I understand the uniqueness of my request, and [although this is common practice each year, the exception I am asking you to make.] This blue section doesn't make sense to me, and there's nothing new in it. I'd delete it.] However, I would not make this request if I were not truly motivated and did not feel deeply involved with the subject.


Kind regards,

Riad.

It's good. Your written English is better than most native speakers'.

 

[GoesStation]

I'd write … hackathon presentations at the Montparnasse campus ….