A party

[toanhntm]

This is my fifth attempt at writing in English. Please correct any mistakes you find.

A party


Kathy is driving to the party which it is organized on a mountain. Just a few days ago, she refused attending for the party by telling her friends she had to work on her application, but they insisted that she needed a break and the party was (is) a best place for her to relax. She finally agreed.


Kathy’s car crawls on a road to the party. The road was made by tiny stones. It is winding and leads to a small mountain. Kathy has never seen it before. Sitting in the car, Kathy sees two sides of the road is totally white. It was even warm yesterday, but it is snow today and gets colder. The wind is stronger and stronger. Kathy turns her car left to a small road and stops in front of a cabin.
She gets out of her car and heads to the door of cabin. She knocks the door. No one answers. She tries to knock one more time. No one is here. It is eight o’clock, the party must start a half hour ago. She checks the address in her notebook and it matches the one painted on the sign next to the door. Kathy asks herself that why is no one here?

Kathy hears a sound right behind her. She turns around and sees a young man who wears a ski coat. He gets out of the truck and walks up to Kathy.
The man asks: “Are you here for the party?”.
“Yes”, Kathy answers and gives him a question “Is this right place?”
“Yes, but the party was cancelled. No one informs you?”
“ No, nobody knows I am coming”
The man opens the door and invites Kathy in.
“That is a terrible day. You can’t go out with a snow storm that. By the way, I am Parton”
Kathy looks out through the window. The snow drops heavily outside. Her car is covered by snow. It looks like a cake cream. The recent days, she has worked on her application so she hasn’t had much time to notice the weather.
“I am Kathy” Kathy says.
Parton invites Kathy to sit down a chair and they begin to talk each other.

By the way, my grammar is not good. I think, by writing a lot in English, I can learn both kinds of various grammars and new words.

 

[emsr2d2]

This post first appeared as a response in another thread by the same OP. I moved it to its own thread. The OP then asked that it be deleted which I did. It then appeared again as a new thread which I left open. It then appeared again as a response to the same thread as it had in the first place!

toanhntm - Please stop posting this essay multiple times. It needs to be in its own thread, not attached to the thread about "A snow day".

 

[toanhntm]

Thanks teacher. I first posted my essay in the thread about “a snow day”. Then it appeared as a new thread. I guess that it is my wrong. So I supposed deleting and posted it again in the thread “a snow day”^^.

By the way, what does “the OP” mean? Teacher.

 

[emsr2d2]

You are the OP in this instance - it stands for "original poster" - the person who started the thread. You need to start a new thread when you have a new question (unrelated to the thread it's in) or you want to post a new essay so it was wrong to post it in the same thread as "A Snow Day".
I will have a look at your new essay shortly.

 

[emsr2d2]

This is my fifth attempt at writing in English. Please correct any mistakes you find.

A party

Kathy is driving to [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a party which [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] is [STRIKE]organized[/STRIKE] being held on a mountain.

Just a few days ago, she [STRIKE]refused attending for[/STRIKE] said she couldn't go to the party, [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] telling her friends that she had to work on her application (what application?), but they insisted that she needed a break and the party [STRIKE]was (is)[/STRIKE] would be [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] the best place for her to relax.

She finally agreed to go.

Kathy’s car crawls onto a road [STRIKE]to the party. The road was made by[/STRIKE] covered with tiny stones.

It is winding and leads to a small mountain (isn't that just a hill?).

Kathy has never seen it before. Does "it" refer to the road or the small mountain?

Sitting in the car, Kathy sees [STRIKE]two[/STRIKE] that both sides of the road [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] are totally white.

It was [STRIKE]even[/STRIKE] warm yesterday, but it [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] snowed today and [STRIKE]gets[/STRIKE] it's getting colder.

The wind is getting stronger and stronger.

Kathy turns [STRIKE]her car[/STRIKE] left onto a small road and stops in front of a cabin.

She gets out of her car and heads to the door of cabin.

She knocks on the door.

No one answers.

She tries [STRIKE]to knock one more time[/STRIKE] again.

No one is here.

It is eight o’clock and the party [STRIKE]must[/STRIKE] was supposed to start a half hour ago.

She checks the address in her notebook and it matches the one painted on the sign next to the door.

Kathy asks herself [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] why [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] no one is here.

Kathy hears a sound right behind her.

She turns around and sees a young man in a truck. [STRIKE]who[/STRIKE] He [STRIKE]wears[/STRIKE] is wearing a ski coat.

He gets out of the truck and walks up to Kathy.

The man asks (no colon here) “Are you here for the party?” (no full stop here)

“Yes”, Kathy answers and [STRIKE]gives him a question[/STRIKE] then asks him “Is this right place?”

“Yes, but the party was cancelled. Did no one [STRIKE]informs[/STRIKE] inform/tell you?”

“No, nobody [STRIKE]knows[/STRIKE] knew I [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] was coming.” (This doesn't make sense. At the beginning, you said that her friends told her it would be a good idea and she eventually agreed, so her friends knew she was going to the party.)

The man opens the door and invites Kathy in.

“[STRIKE]That[/STRIKE] It is a terrible day. You can’t go out [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] in a snow storm like that. By the way, I am Parton.”

Kathy looks out through the window.

The snow [STRIKE]drops[/STRIKE] is falling heavily. [STRIKE]outside.[/STRIKE] Her car is covered by snow. It looks like a cream cake. [STRIKE]cream.[/STRIKE]

For the [STRIKE]recent[/STRIKE] last few days, she has [STRIKE]worked[/STRIKE] been working on her application so she hasn’t had much time to notice the weather.

“I am Kathy", [STRIKE]Kathy[/STRIKE] she says.

Parton invites Kathy to sit down in/on a chair and they begin to talk each other.



By the way, my grammar is not good. I think, by writing a lot in English, I can learn both [STRIKE]kinds of various[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]grammars[/STRIKE] grammar and new words.

See above. I have put each sentence on its own line to make it easier to read. Of course, the final essay should be laid out in paragraphs.

 

[toanhntm]

1. Kathy is driving to a party which is being held on a mountain.
(to hold and to organize are the same meaning. So, can’t we use “organize”?)
2.It is eight o’clock and the party must was supposed to start a half hour ago.
(why can’t we use “must” or “have to” in this case?)
3.The snow drops is falling heavily (Why can’t we use “drop”? thanks).

 

[tedmc]

Let me try to answer the three questions:

1. Hold and organize are not the same thing. To organize is to plan or arrange for something before it is held.

2. "Supposed to" means the party is scheduled to. "Must" and "have to" implies something obligatory or mandatory, which are too strong words to use.

3. It is not natural to say snowdrops are falling. Snow doesn't come in drops. "Rain drops" is possible.

 

[emsr2d2]

Snow doesn't "drop", it "falls". I chose "The snow is falling heavily" because that's a common way of wording it. I could have said "The snowflakes are falling heavily" (note that with the plural "snowflakes", you need to use "are") or "It is snowing heavily".