A husband was lying on the bed.

[chunchuntthn]

This is a funny story.

A husband was lying on the bed. He was going to pass away. Before his dead, he asked his wife for the truth “How many times do you lie me?”. The wife didn’t say anything that just only cried. The husband said “ If you don’t want to say, please explain to me (that) why are there three eggs and 300 dollars in the closet?”. The wife talked with soft voice “Once I betray you, I put a egg into the closet”. The husband breathed softly “How about 300 dollars?”. The wife cried louder than the last time “There are a lot of eggs, so I go to the market, sell and get 300 dollars”. The husband only screamed a sound and passed away.

Please correct my mistakes.

 

[emsr2d2]

This is a funny story.

A [STRIKE]husband[/STRIKE] man was lying on [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] his deathbed.

[STRIKE]He was going to pass away.[/STRIKE]

Before his [STRIKE]dead[/STRIKE] death, he asked his wife for the truthful answer to “How many times [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] did you lie to me?” (no full stop here)

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] His wife didn’t say anything; [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] she just [STRIKE]only[/STRIKE] cried.

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Her husband said “If you don’t want to [STRIKE]say[/STRIKE] tell/answer me, please explain to me [STRIKE](that)[/STRIKE] why there are [STRIKE]there[/STRIKE] three eggs and 300 dollars in the closet?” (no full stop here)

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] His wife [STRIKE]talked[/STRIKE] said [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] in a soft voice “[STRIKE]Once[/STRIKE] Every time I betrayed you, I put an egg into the closet”.

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Her husband breathed softly and asked “How about the 300 dollars?” (no full stop here)

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] His wife cried louder than the last time, and said “There [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] were a lot of eggs, so I [STRIKE]go[/STRIKE] went to the market, [STRIKE]sell[/STRIKE] sold them and [STRIKE]get[/STRIKE] got 300 dollars”.

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Her husband [STRIKE]only[/STRIKE] screamed [STRIKE]a sound[/STRIKE] and passed away.

Please correct my mistakes.

See above. It would have saved a lot of repetition of "His wife/Her husband" if you had given them names. I have separated each sentence out onto its own line so it's easier for you to read.

 

[chunchuntthn]

I have added names of both of them.

Bob was Anna’s husband. He was lying on the deathbed. He was going to pass away. Before his death, he asked Anna for the truthful answers “How many times did you lie to me?” Anna didn’t say anything. She just cried. Bob said “If you don’t want to tell, please explain to me why there are three eggs and 300 dollars in the closet?” Anna said in a soft voice “Every time I betrayed you, I put a egg into the closet”. Bob breathed softly and said “How about the 300 dollars?” Anna cried louder than the last time and said “There were a lot of eggs, so I went to the market, sold them and got 300 dollars”. Bob just screamed and passed away.

 

[emsr2d2]

`Look at the word before "deathbed" in my original correction. The definite article there is unnatural. Also, did you not notice that I deleted the next sentence? It's unnecessary once you've already said "deathbed".

You have failed to incorporate other corrections I made. Look very closely at post #2 and try again.

 

[chunchuntthn]

`Look at the word before "deathbed" in my original correction. The definite article there is unnatural. Also, did you not notice that I deleted the next sentence? It's unnecessary once you've already said "deathbed".

You have failed to incorporate other corrections I made. Look very closely at post #2 and try again.

That was my wrong when I didn’t look back my paragraph that I rewrited.
Bob was Anna’s husband. He was lying on the deathbed. Before his death, he asked Anna for the truthful answers to “How many times did you lie to me?” Anna didn’t say anything. She just cried. Bob said “If you don’t want to tell me, please explain to me why there are three eggs and 300 dollars in the closet?” Anna said in a soft voice “Every time I betrayed you, I put an egg into the closet”. Bob breathed softly and said “How about the 300 dollars?” Anna cried louder than the last time and said “There were a lot of eggs, so I went to the market, sold them and got 300 dollars”. Bob just screamed and passed away.

 

[tree123]

Do you follow the advice as below?

I have separated each sentence out onto its own line

(I'm not a teacher, not a native speaker.)

 

[chunchuntthn]

Do you follow the advice as below?
I have separated each sentence out onto its own line

Yes, I do. But, I don't understand what are you talking about?

 

[emsr2d2]

A husband was lying on the bed.

He was lying on the deathbed.

He was lying on the deathbed.

In post #2, I wrote "his deathbed". Please look at all my corrections again and stop making the same errors over and over again. I won't comment on your next attempt if it includes any errors I have already corrected.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

A man was lying on his deathbed. There was something he wanted to ask his wife....

And:

He said, "There's something I want to ask you. Please tell me the truth."

Good luck with that one!

 

[Tarheel]

Most people would assume he asked the question before he died. When else could he ask it?

 

[Tarheel]

But, I don't understand what are you talking about?

That's almost right. Try:

But I don't understand what you are talking about. (No QM.)

Or:

But I don't understand. What are you talking about?

:up: