[Essay] a heroic deed

[contiluo]

(The essay which I translated from a social commentary is about the theme of trust. Please patiently give me a correction. Thanks a lot.)

Trust

When trust breaks down, society will collapse.

Recently, I read a thought-provoking social commentary about trust. It was written by a local editorialist in Taiwan whose meaningful and heartfelt words are earnest enough to prompt us to deep thought. I would like to relate it in first person in writing and share it with you.

First, let me tell a social news which occurred about four years ago. Hui-Ju Yang, a young girl, who was up to her neck in debt by her credit card debts amounting to hundreds of thousands of dollars during the four years of her college life, made a killing by taking advantage of her credit card’s octuple bonus feedback, participating in internet auction, and earning infomercial’s concessionary gift certificates after graduating at college. Her misconduct was widely supported by people with card debt problems, and she was even given the title of “the goddess of credit card arbitrageurs”. In addition to those card debtors, according to an opinion poll showed including Consumers' Foundation, Executive Yuan Consumer Protection Board, prosecutors, and a great many people supported for her.

On the other hand, however, some print media in Taiwan also made negative comments on her boldness of her business methods, indicating that many of her crafty measures indeed breached the agreements for credit card purchases. Notwithstanding the fact that her tricky practice didn’t not amount to criminal deception, it was a controversial behavior which had attracted social censure. Her behavior doesn’t conform to established standards of honesty, trust, and uprightness.

Miss Yang turned her debt into gain, making a profit which amounted to hundreds of thousands of dollars from the issuing bank. She pitted her wits against a credit card company and gained a great victory which won the praise of some people in the society. Lately, she established an Internet consultancy company and repeatedly tried to generate media exposure. Now, she has become a public figure; even more, she is planning to run for elected office. We are worried that if she is elected to congress, she will have the power to modify or enact new laws with the intention to feather her own nest. All things considered, only a society which is unable to distinguish between right and wrong, moral turpitude will regard this dishonesty immoral behavior as Miss Yang’s action as a heroic deed.

(To be continued)

 

[Tarheel]

You can't tell me a news, but you can tell me a story. More specifically, you can tell me a news story. Or you can tell me a story that was in the news.

 

[contiluo]

It was a story that was in the news.

 

[Tarheel]

Second paragraph. Say:

s young girl who was up to her neck in credit card debt....

 

[Tarheel]

Two things. First, I don't think you should mention debit cards all. That way you won't have to worry about getting debit cards mixed up with credit cards.

Second, I need you to not change anything in the original post at this point. (That could make my corrections/suggestions seem pointless.)

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

credit card debt amounting to hundreds of thousands of dollars, which she accumulated during her four years in college.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

She made a killing by taking advantage of her credit card's octuple bonus feedback, participating in Internet auctions, and earning concessionary gift certificates after graduating from college.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Her misconduct was widely supported by those with credit card debt problems....

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

An opinion poll conducted by Consumers Foundation showed a great deal of support for her among the general population.

 

[contiluo]

Are there errors in 3rd & 4th paragraph?

 

[Tarheel]

It's getting late here. I'll try to finish in the morning.

 

[Tarheel]

Third paragraph. First sentence. Say:

On the other hand, some in the print media in Taiwan made negative comments about her business methods, stating that many of her crafty methods breached the credit card agreements.

I wouldn't use the word "indicated" there. That suggests that they stated it indirectly. However, I suspect that they came right out and said it.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Notwithstanding the fact that her tricky practices didn't amount to criminal deception, it was controversial behavior which attracted social censure.

OR

Even though her behavior didn't violate the law, it was unethical.

 

[Tarheel]

Third paragraph. Say:

some people in society

(Not "the" society)

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Recently, she established an Internet consultancy company, and she has repeatedly tried to generate media exposure.

Apparently, she has had a fair amount of success doing that. Thus I would not use the word "tried" there. Instead, why don't you say:

She has generated a considerable amount of media exposure in her efforts to get publicity for her company.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Now she is planning to run for elective office.

And:

Some of us are worried that if she is elected to Congress she will have the power to change existing laws or enact new laws with the intention of feathering her own nest.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

All things considered, only a society which is unable to distinguish between right and wrong would regard this dishonest, immoral behavior of Miss Wang's as heroic.

 

[Tarheel]

This story is, of course, not told in the first person but the third person. (If you were telling the story about yourself that would be first person.)