[Essay] a good beginning

[rodgers white]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes in this piece of writing? This is just writing practice, not an assignment or anything like that. I'm grateful for any contribution.


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Although the council did return a few times they weren’t a problem, Yang talked to Councillor Chen about his work and showed him some of the things that he was working on plus Rui’s preliminary designs on Nanobots, of course, Yang had to present Rui’s designs as his own. Yang said to Councillor Chen. “These Nanobots…microscopic robots, will, I hope, be able to build or repair very small things, mechanical or electrical, and with luck, biological too. I’ll be concentrating on the electrical and mechanical, first and foremost, at least until the bots are perfected”. The councillor was excited and eager about the potential of the nanobots and for Yang to make quick progress, but Yang told him it was a long term project and not to expect rapid results. Meanwhile, Rui had already designed the first bot builder, a twenty-five square centimetre factory that would construct one-millimetre bots, a good beginning.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Although the council met a few more times, they didn't give Yang any problems.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

The councillor was excited about the potential of the nanobots and wanted Yang to make quick progress.

 

[emsr2d2]

Although the council did return a few times they weren’t a problem, Yang talked to Councillor Chen about his work and showed him some of the things that he was working on plus Rui’s preliminary designs on Nanobots, of course, Yang had to present Rui’s designs as his own.

You need to break that very long sentence down into shorter sentences.

 

[teechar]

You need to hyphenate "long-term". Do you know why?
Also, I prefer "good start" to "good beginning".

 

[rodgers white]

You need to hyphenate "long-term". Do you know why?Also, I prefer "good start" to "good beginning".

Thank you for your help. I googled the difference between “long term” and “long-term”. When talking about the ‘long term’, we are talking about the noun ‘term’ which is described by the adjective ‘long’. Example: We are planning for the long term. However, when the entire phrase is used to describe something else, a hyphen is used to show this. It’s called a compound adjective. Example: This is a long-term plan. Thank you again for reminding me of that, teechar.

 

[rodgers white]

You need to break that very long sentence down into shorter sentences.

Thanks for reminding me with your thoughts, emsr2d2. Maybe I can rewrite like this: Although the council did return a few times, they weren’t a problem; Yang talked to Councillor Chen about his work and showed him some of the things that he was working on, including Rui’s preliminary designs on Nanobots. Of course, Yang had to present Rui’s designs as his own.

 

[rodgers white]

Perhaps:The councillor was excited about the potential of the nanobots and wanted Yang to make quick progress.

Thank you. Maybe I can rewrite like this: The councillor was excited about the potential of the nanobots and eager for Yang to make quick progress, ...

 

[Tarheel]

Thank you. Maybe I can rewrite like this: The councillor was excited about the potential of the nanobots and eager for Yang to make quick progress.

That's good. Put a period ("full stop" in BrE) at end, and you can start s new sentence.