[General] A friend of mine who went to..(46 words)

[Silverobama]

I wrote a short paragraph about my friend, please help me to correct it.

A friend of mine who went to a mountain resort to shoot ads had lost contact with me; she didn't reply to my messages for two days. Today, when I was about to call the police, she showed up and told me she was very busy.

Shoot ads: She's a hanfu (a kind of traditional clothes of Han dynasty) model and she went to the mountain resort to shoot some ads or films for her company. The mountain resort is snowing now.
Lost contact with me: she didn't reply my message. I thought she had "transpired" in the world.

 

[emsr2d2]

Apart from anything else, I'm pretty sure you've misunderstood the meaning of "transpire". What do you think it means?

 

[Silverobama]

Apart from anything else, I'm pretty sure you've misunderstood the meaning of "transpire". What do you think it means?

Water evaporates. I was trying to say that she disappeared like "water evaporates". I used the wrong word. I'm sorry.

I appreciate your help and kindness. Thanks a lot for pointing out my mistakes.

I wonder if my paragraph is okay. I'd always love to see your corrections.

 

[Tarheel]

I wrote a short paragraph about my friend. Please help me [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] correct it.

A friend of mine who went to a mountain resort to shoot ads had lost contact with me. She didn't reply to my messages for two days. Today, when I was about to call the police, she showed up and told me she had been very busy.

She's a hanfu (a kind of traditional clothes of Han dynasty) model and she went to the mountain resort to shoot some ads or films for her company. It's snowing now at the resort.

She didn't reply to my messages. I thought she had disappeared.

And she was really sorry. She didn't know you were so worried.

 

[Silverobama]

I appreciate your help, teechar, emsr2d2 and Tarheel.

I still have two grammar questions about it:

A friend of mine who went to a mountain resort to shoot ads had lost contact with me. She didn't reply to my messages for two days. Today, when I was about to call the police, she showed up online and told me she was very busy.

I added an "online" which I think it's not wrong to make it clear that she showed up online.

My two questions are:

1) She didn't reply to my messages for two days. Is it better to say "She hand't replied to....."?
2) She showed up online and told me she was very busy. Is it just wrong to say "she was very busy"? Must I use "had been very busy"?

 

[teechar]

adding "online" is okay, but stick to Tarheel's suggestion above.

 

[Tdol]

The text is OK.

 

[Tarheel]

Silver, it's probably more accurate to say you had lost contact with her. You were the one who was worried.