[Grammar] 3 commas. I changed the form of sentence please look.

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eggcracker

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Joined
May 14, 2012
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Korean
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South Korea
I was confused, for there was three commas(,) in the original sentence.
So I changed the form of original sentence. Please look at the below.
Did I changed the sentence grammatically?


Original sentence: "In atherosclerosis, small patches of fatty material, composed mostly of cholesterol, form on the inside lining of the arteries."


Transformed sentence:"Small patches of fatty material, composed mostly of cholesterol, form on the the inside lining of the arteries in atherosclerosis."
 
I was confused, for there [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] were three commas(,) in the original sentence.
So I changed the form of the original sentence. Please look at the below.
Did I change[STRIKE]d[/STRIKE] the sentence grammatically?
Do you have some concern about three commas? There is no limit on the number of commas in a sentence, although, if they get out of hand, as this sentence appears to be, we tend to start a new sentence, unless we decide not to.
 
I get confused if there are more than three commas in the sentence. Because I'm not used to those kinds of sentences.
And sometimes it's hard to find which thing modifies.
 
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